Merchandise, Movies, Toys

Hideous Pillows Based on Fright Night and The Exorcist Have Arms to Hug You

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cuddlecreeps

They’re not quite anime hug pillows, so the one small mercy here is that these things probably were not designed with dry-humping in mind. What they were designed for, I couldn’t tell you.

regancuddlecreep

“Cuddle Creeps” is what they’re called, and being considered “parody,” they are not, as far as I can tell, officially licensed. Because frankly, if I were a license-holder and someone presented me with this idea, I’d have told them to cram it in their piehole.

And then they might have done exactly that, because who knows what messed-up fetishes the creators of these things have? We certainly have evidence above that they want underage demon slime girls in your bed. It’s like the intended demographic is a Mirror-universe Michael Jackson.

This guy, on the other hand, is like a human Sarlacc Pit with a face.

edcuddlecreep

They come with cute poems:

REGAN: Whether psychic or just psycho remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: Her PJs are soiled and hard to keep clean. While her language is vile Regan is actually just shy, Her best buddy is Satan who she claims isn’t such a bad guy. She can see into your soul and knows your greatest sin, But that’s not her only party trick…she can also make her head spin.

ED: Ed’s a backstabbing buddy who’s sneaky and morbid, His weird sense of humor is often wicked and horrid. His friends called him “Evil” and then it came true, No wonder poor Ed is so lonely and feeling so blue. Now he’s a vampire who likes to scare up a quick bite, Chances are if he’s hungry you’re in for a night full of fright.

About Author

Luke Y. Thompson has been writing professionally about movies and pop-culture since 1999, and has also been an actor in some extremely cheap culty and horror movies you will probably never hear much about (he is nonetheless mostly proud of them, as he met his wife on one). As editor of The Robot's Voice since 2012, he can take the blame for the majority of the site's content, all of which he creates because he loves you very, very much. (Although he loves nachos more. Sorry.) Prior to TRV, Luke wrote for publications that include the New Times LA, Los Angeles CityBeat, E! Online, OC Weekly, Geekweek, GeekChicDaily, The L.A. Times, The Village Voice, LA Weekly, and Nerdist