The Walking Dead SPOILER Recap – Dirty South Edition


This week on The Walking Dead, we are reminded multiple times of how the show generally treats black characters, and how the showrunners might be trying to counterbalance that.

Coral Count: 0

Rawn Count: 0

-My two-screen experience is about to begin, only my second screen is the laptop upon which I vomit snark.

-20 seconds in – Julia asks me to turn the volume down. I’m doing this at 2:19 a.m., by the way. This is actually pretty normal.

-“Previously on The Walking Dead, we were half black and white, for reasons we aren’t going to explain to you now.”

-Rick is sweating like it’s super-humid. Daryl is sweating like he has hairspray on.

-“Ah’m readeh” is probably the Andrew Lincoln Accent Mangle of the Week

-“The horn stopped. Good” Rick Grimes, Master of Exposition.

-I knew that guy was a dumbass the moment I saw his stupid floppy hat.

-And now Michonne will kill you all. UM…or not? WTH? They got bitten!

-Yep, Daryl’s wind-swept hair is definitely being held in place by hairspray. And I await the inevitable mash-up with “Take My Breath Away.”

-Damon Lindelof on Talking Dead? Of course, opposite the only self-described “nerd” who’ll be nice to him.

-This dude (sorry, if he has a name I’m totally blanking on it) is like a foot taller than Michonne, he’s about to turn zombie, and she is not killing him yet. Not only that, but she’s letting him give her more personal details that will make it harder to kill him when she needs to. The dude is unwittingly doing Hostage Survival Tactic #1.

-Floppy hat again. I knew he was stupid. Now he’s food.

-Ooh, a pet store! Maybe there’ll be snakes.

-Let’s BURN A BUILDING to distract them. Okay, I’ll buy that.

-Wait, you’re going to burn the feed store? Might that feed inside not be useful for more than kindling?

-Robbin’ the Dead, Robbin’ the Dead!

-Dude, you do understand that saying “Go on without me” is the total stereotypical “black guy in a sci-fi movie” thing to say, right? Your saying it to other black folks doesn’t make that not so.

-Uh, huh-huh, they’re like, saying, “do it” over and over. Yeah, yeah, they should do it. Hey Beavis! Ya know zombies are, like, made of …bones?

-“His name was Will.” I guess now it’s “Was.”

-Gunshots! Rang out like a bell. They grab their nines, all they hear is shell.

-Okay, what’s with the orange balloons on the RV? How long have they been there? How are they staying aloft?

-Did Michonne write “You’re getting home” on her arm just so she won’t have to actually speak a lie? DUDE WAS BITTEN! YOU KNOW IT!

-White person stays behind to die. TWIST!

-Are Glenn and Nicholas totally fucked?

-Welp, tall dude finally bought it. I guess he was helpful while it lasted.

-So far, it’s like they created this group just so the producers could say, “Give us a break! Here’s a mostly black group where the two token whites die! We’re even-handed!” Yeah, we’ll see.

-Nicholas, are you feeling caged?

-WHOAH. Deer Hunter move.

-OH YOU ASSHOLE. Waste a bullet AND take Glenn out with you. Not that they had many escape routes but still.

-“I don’t even know what to say,” says Chris Hardwick, who nonetheless keeps on talking.

-Called it! She wrote the lie on her arm so she wouldn’t have to speak it.

-Rick, there’s a fan right above your head in that RV. You are sweaty as fuck, and the vehicle is running. You are allowed to turn it on.

-Abraham feels the need to point out that he isn’t afraid. Manly.

-OH SHIT a dude who looks like Abraham but probably isn’t Abraham is shooting at Rick. Cut away, quick, so we don’t see him too well.

-And here come more, apparently looking for baby food. HOLY CRAP Rick goes big with that machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho.

-I’m impressed the zombies are sticking to the road. No reason why they should, really.

-Huh. You shoot off ONE machine gun in your vehicle, and damned if it doesn’t work next time you try to start it.

-That’s it?

-So next week is a Morgan flashback? Now we know why Lindelof is on Talking Dead. Am I wrong for wanting every timeline to get on the same damn page? [Yes you are, because it’s not ABOUT the zombies, its about the CHARACTERS!] Thank you, log line. You sure set me straight.