The Walking Dead SPOILER Recap: Cans Worth Taking

Gene Page/AMC

Gene Page/AMC

Coral Count: Fuck it, Rick doesn’t seem to ever say this any more.

-Last week, we saw that Morgan learned pole-fighting from the Zodiac Killer. This week, I hope we see how Daryl Dixon learned the crossbow from John Rambo.

-Do any of you reading this actually do the “two-screen experience”? How do you find it?

-I’m sorry, Glenn better be fucking dead after that.

-Katanas, bos, knives aplenty – somebody really does need nun-chuks.

-“Into the Badlands – all the same kills as The Walking Dead but no zombies!” Iffy commercial there.

-“Glenn and Nicholas gonna walk right back through the front gate after” Uhhh, nope.

-Oh Rick, you had to make the graveyard metaphor just so somebody could rub it in.

-Dead bodies make good paintbrushes, assuming you like your floor red.

-“We don’t bury killers inside the walls.” Why? Haven’t you made a big point about how everyone’s a killer, Rick?

-You’re not gonna starve for a while, y’all. Let someone skinny have the extra cans.

-Who has the biggest arsenal? Maggie may.

-And now, a seen of the angriest pencil-writing ever shown on TV, complete with what looks like cryptic Latin at the end. Wanna bet it means something relevant to this episode’s theme?

-Your kid needs a smacking, Deanna.

-Carl’s hair is starting to resemble a Spaceball helmet. And he’s starting to move his face like Andrew Lincoln’s when he talks.

-Yeah, go tell on Carl to his dad. That should go well.

-When someone has an infected wound, I think you give them antibiotics. I’m no amateur doctor, though.

-MANGA REFERENCE! One Piece has survived the apocalypse.

-Is this house zombie just saying “Hiya hiya hi!” over and over again? Sounds like it.

-“It’s not that I couldn’t, it’s that I didn’t want to.” The classic excuse every five year-old knows.

-Maggie’s Southern accent is literally getting worse every week.

-Technically you don’t have to live with anything, Aaron. Dying is an ever-present option.

-Mud zombies! The best kind.

-The least vehement utterance of the phrase “Hot damn” I have ever heard. TWICE!

-Lesbian kiss! So that was what the “hot damn” was about.

-Well, if it wasn’t over, Maggie, you yelling certainly brought in the dead.

-And now you’re being a surrogate for the skeptical audience. But then why come down into the damn sewer in the first place?

-Nobody told Deanna about headshots, huh.

-Chris Hardwick SHAVED! Looks like he used “Something About Mary” hair gel, though, if yanowhutImean.

-What a romantic night to stand on a wall and flirt, while hordes of murderous walkers gather below.

-“Tell me there’s more.” “There’s more in my pants, baby.”

-Blood dripping through the wall? So, uh…what? Walkers squishing each other against it?

-Next week: every character who wasn’t on this episode kills time until the story finally advances (we hope).