The Walking Dead SPOILER Recap – Morgan’s Edge

TWD MorganNow we recap latest episode of The Walking Dead, a show I haven’t watched regularly since Rick dropped the F bomb on the cannibals and I turned it off. I’m the guy who loved Parks and Rec because it was a series about nice people being nice to each other, so a show that’s spent six seasons killing anyone who shows a shred of humanity just stopped appealing to me. It’s the most hopeless, cynical tv experience this side of First Take, the show where Skip the Gamer Stereotype and Floyd Mayweather’s fleshlight shout about domestic violence. But because I love you guys and take my job very seriously, not only did I watch this week’s episode for you, I also caught up on the last 2. And sweet Jesus, man, this is depressing. Here we go:


Morgan: 2 Hoomans, several piles of walkers.

His Sensei: a handful of walkers.

-So looks like LYT was right. Rick and Glenn are both buried in a pile of walkers, but now we get a flashback episode. Cool how the writers enjoy torturing not only the characters but the viewers.

-Morgan wasn’t even supposed to be there that day.

-Then we jump to Morgan’s last paintball game? Dude’s gonna break his gun if he keeps hitting the other players in the face with it.

-”Why doesn’t he try and lure one through the fire?” I thought, and right on cue…

-I wonder if they’re making Morgan the audience stand in? Because the conclusion I came to after the last 2 episodes is that the right way to watch this show is to root for everyone to die.

-Wildflowers in a clearing are enough to turn Morgan from his killing ways.

-We all know the only goat that would survive a zombie apocalypse is Buttermilk the Parkour Goat.

-Morgan tries to kill this dude and he gets a nice Irish Breakfast and his own bucket for it? That’s bullshit. I want my own bucket.

-I guess he doesn’t like the Irish Breakfast, though. He wants Eastman to kill him, and he keeps moaning it.

-If Drew Carey’s brother ends up teaching Morgan how to fight with a stick like that, it’ll be the biggest whitewashing travesty since The Last Samurai.

-Damn, Morgan’s pretty handy with a busted zipper.

-Wait, that came out wrong.

-No it didn’t.

-Morgan is now telling Eastman about his last 2 kills. FAN THEORY: Morgan is this universe’s Ben Carson.

-We’re about a third of the way through, and Eastman is telling Morgan about how rigid his faith is in the goodness of man. How gruesome is his death going to be, and is it going to happen while saving Morgan?

-HOORAY SOMETHING I MIGHT WANT TO WATCH: the Into the Badlands trailer.


-Looks like “What if the Confederacy was in southern China.”

-OH SHIT THAT DUDE. With the blue eyes.

-If they can afford good fight choreography, this show might be AMAZING.

-Bit jarring to go from Into the Badlands to Steve Carey flowing like water.

-Morgan still wants to die. I just realized I have another hour of this. Same.

-”That was Akido.” Damn, he looked like a Northern Shaolin guy.

-The goat’s name is Tabitha. I’m going to now pretend this is an episode of Bewitched and Morgan is Darrin.

-Samantha heads out to forage, and Darrin hears a couple of Endoras coming for Tabitha. He was just reading some of Samantha’s “no murdering” propaganda, so he has a momentary flash of empathy for Endora 1 with a wedding ring on a chain around his neck, but then he remembers that this isn’t a blandly funny ‘60s sitcom and is in fact the most depressing show on television, so he kills the hell out of the zombie.

-Eastman pulls the walkers’ IDs out, probably so he can get into a cool club with it.

-”You made good progress today, man with PTSD who tried to kill me yesterday. Here are two weapons.”

-Now Steve Carey’s teaching Morgan how to be water.

-Despite all his rage, Morgan’s still just a goat in a cage.

-Flashback monologue time: Eastman tells about the time he met true evil and how it took his wife and son. Unsurprisingly, it’s from before the outbreak, proving again that perhaps…humans are the real monsters.

-Preacher trailer time.

-What the ever loving shit was that?

-Seriously, the book was funny. And I think the show might be too – Rogen’s too big a fan, and the second with Cassidy was…wry, at least. I think this was just a disastrously bad marketing cut of a trailer.

-They go back to Morgan’s PTSD camp to scavenge supplies, and Eastman makes Morgan practice his kung fu when he gets a sad.

-FOR FUCK’S SAKE. Eastman got bit by the zombified guy Morgan choked to death after saving Morgan because he froze.

-Scariest scene of the night: when the zombie lets his Lincoln park itself so he can win a poker game.

-Weird how it was in between a handful of commercials, though.

-Now part four of I’m Getting Really Tired Of These Motherfucking Zombies On This Motherfucking Plane.

-Oh shit that was a Lincoln commercial and the zombie was Matthew McConaughey.

-Back to the show, and Morgan’s got a bunch of spears sitting on a rock that says “POINTLESS ACTS.” I think that’s supposed to be wit.

-He saves a couple of hikers, but they’re so scared of him that they leave him a bullet and OH SHIT IS THAT A CAN OF BREAD? TAKE THE CANNED BREAD MORGAN ESPECIALLY IF IT HAS RAISINS.

-Update: it’s soup. 🙁

-Welp. Tabitha’s dead. I hate this show.

-OH WHAT A TWIST. Turns out Eastman’s flashback monologue ended with him going back to the prison, kidnapping the guy who killed his family, bringing him to his cabin and murdering him dead. Because whenever someone seems wholly good, it turns out they just like watching someone starve to death for a month and a half.

-The worst thing about this episode is the HSN ad that had Christmas music. It’s November 1.

-I take it back. Chris Hardwick just introduced Josh Gad from the Angry Birds movie. morgan_saying_just_kill_me.gif

-Oh my god, are they going to make Eastman die for another 10 minutes?

-”Here, Morgan, hang onto my lucky rabbit’s foot. Should work for you too bud.” I…would leave it.

-Was his first initial L? And did his grave marker read “LEastman?”

-Don’t do it, Morgan! Bugs just painted the train tracks there to throw you off his trail.

-Turns out Morgan was telling the whole story to a captured Wolf, who then sneers at him with his busted ass teeth and threatens to kill him. So after an entire episode of Eastman talking about how every life is sacred and he didn’t ever lock the cell door, Morgan leaves him alone in his house, but he locks the front gate.

-I’m trying to be objective here, and to be honest, having a flashback episode a week after leaving Glenn and Rick surrounded (veryclosely) by zombies seems like a massive dick move. I’m sure there’s something in the next episode that will make this arguably justifiable, but still seems kind of bullshitty to me. What did you guys think?