Cartoons, Movies, Toys

G.I. Joe Movie to be Indescribably Stupid


358px-CobraCommander-150.jpgSPOILER! Please do not read if you don’t want to be spoiled about a potential twist in the G.I. Joe movie, or if you don’t want to be incredibly angry.

Not long after Marlon Wayans was announced as Ripcord, the G.I. Joe movie rumor mill churned out another possible casting announcement, Joseph Gordon-Levitt?he of acclaimed indie films such as Brick and less acclaimed sitcoms like Third Rock from the Sun?as G.I. Joe leader “Duke’s Best Friend.” IGN points out that an earlier draft of the Joe movie featured a Duke’s Best Friend, who becomes Cobra Commander (seen left kicking a puppy).

People, this is dumber than Cobra-La, the ancient race of snake-men introduced in the animated 1987 movie as being behind Cobra (check out Wikipedia for a true history of their stupidity, including how they made a deal with Unicron during the G.I. Joe/Transfomers comic crossover). I marvel at the ability of Hollywood to make movies dumber and more insulting than the not-exceptionally-brilliant ’80s cartoons of our youth. (Bumblebee peeing on John Turturro, anyone?)

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.