Cartoons, Movies, Toys

The Baroness Will Have Black Hair, and Other, Less Important Details from the G.I. Joe Movie

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If you recall this pic of Sienna Miller playing the Baroness with her regular, blonde hair, you might have been understandably concerned that the upcoming live-action G.I. Joe movie’s Baroness would not be the raven-haired, leather-clad, foreign dominatrix of your childhood. You may rest easy.

“[The film] requires a lot of physical training,” Sienna told Access. “I have a black wig, guns, and leather? it’s all very fantastic!”

So that’s one bullet dodged, according to Access Hollywood, who talked to some of the film’s stars, and gave out a other few movie details.

The film is reportedly an origins story. It could explain why Destro has a chromed head and why Snake Eyes doesn’t speak, among other outlandish details of “G.I. Joe” that the cartoon never explained.

“For people who know nothing about it, it’ll make sense,” [director Stephen]Sommers told USA Today. “And to people who love this stuff, it’ll show where they all came from.”

Pardon my nerdery, but don’t all the people who love this stuff already know where this shit came from, since it was all explained in the comics? Destro wore his ancestral mask, Snake Eyes’s vocal cords were destroyed in an explosion (in which he saved Scarlett). So yeah, Sommers, we know. How ’bout explaining how Duke’s childhood best friend just happens to grow up to become Cobra Commander? ARRRGH

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.