Fan Fiction Friday: Valerie from Josie and the Pussycats in “Just a Cat”

Please, please think about the ’70s cartoon character, and not Rosario Dawson when you read this. It makes a world of difference in this lovely little story by JayDee about the Pussycat’s drummer/tambourine specialist.

A polite knock sounded on her room?s door. Valerie grinned and went to open it. … Jay ? not his real name – stood outside the hotel room door. He was very new to escort work and still pretty nervous meeting clients. He didn?t know any other escorts with the agency, which was how the company liked it, and so hadn?t been able to call on more experienced guys for advice. He did assume that they were mostly like him; good-looking guys from reasonably well off families who just needed a little extra money for college, and whose future career choices should help ensure they were quiet about spending a spell fucking for cash.

Okay. Valerie has asked for and received a male escort. And odd choice?one would think Josie would be the normal Pussycat pick, but that’s cool. We’re in standard fan fiction territory here. No worries.

?Hello Jay. I guess you know who I am, huh??

?Yes Ma?am.?

?Well, come on in white boy. I want a better look at that butt!?

“White boy”? That’s…vaguely disturbing. Is it okay that it’s a black woman mocking a white prostitute? It isn’t, is it? Well, I suppose it’s better than the other way around, certainly. Mildly uncomfortable, but let’s continue.

Un-noticed by Jay, Valerie?s uncut penis grew proudly erect from her crotch.

Well, of course. Fear the jump like you fear the reaper.

?Holy shit! You have a?um? You don?t have a pussy,? he managed.

?Far as anyone outside this room is concerned, I do. I paid good money for you to do whatever I want, so suck it, cracker.?

?But? how??

?Ever hear of a mad scientist type calling herself The Countess? Got her own island??

?N-no.?

?Then don?t you worry none about ?how.? Get sucking!?

Is there a “countess” in Josie and the Pussycats lore? Is this genuinely tied to some kind of contuity? Because I think if you give Valerie a dick, you’ve freed yourself from needing a reason from the ’70s Hanna-Barbera cartoon to explain it. But maybe that’s why I don’t write fan fiction.

?C?mon! I ain?t saying you gotta choke it down, honky! Just make me pop!?

Jay looked up and saw the lustful need burning in Valerie?s face; at the same time he recognized again the feminine beauty in her face. He reflected that he was being paid to do whatever the client wanted, and was also guaranteed that nobody would ever find out he?d sucked off a horny black shemale in her hotel room. The agency was very discreet. …

?Yessssss, cracker!? hissed Valerie as she felt the hot tongue against the most sensitive skin on her body.

“Honky”? “Cracker”? This may be a period piece.

Jay felt humiliated and even a little violated. He?d agreed to do it, sure, but reluctantly. … He truly was a whore, he realised, and in proving it to him Valerie had violated his self-image to the point of no return.

Excellent, Jay?the first step is admitting it to yourself. The second step is, of course, getting anally violated by a female cartoon character with a penis.

?Well, you just wait until I get my cock in your ass, bitch! You?ll be spraying like a fire

hose! I?ll let you in on something: The only reason white boys break the law is to get the menu of black meat inside!?

And interesting theory, to be sure. If you’d like to read all the gory details, complete with vast descriptions of fluids and several more uses of the word “cracker,” by all means, go ahead and read it here. But I have to spoil the ending, as it’s just too delightful not to:

Josie would later joke that after Valerie got done visiting a town, strap-on sales skyrocketed as the escorts she?d worked through got their girlfriends to re-create the pleasure of a good hard ass fuck. Melody claimed that Valerie was doing more for the Gay Pride movement than the entire population of San Francisco. As for Valerie, she soon had the opportunity from another mad scientist to lose her cock, and regain her pussy. What do you think she said?

?Hell, No, Cracker!?