More Than Meets the Real American Halloween (or Something)

Have you picked out your Halloween costume yet? No? What do you mean it’s only February 24th?! That’s not stopping from unleashing another bevy of movie outfits from both Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. These aren’t nearly as horrible as their Watchmen costumes; in fact, I’d say that Optimus Prime one is genuinely cool. Sure, as a bitter old nerd I’d prefer original recipe Optimus, but if I were currently a kid, I’d eat that thing up. Of course, Bumblebee looks like shit, but that because Bumblebee’s design looks like shit — if he’s too much of a mess as a Potato Head, there’s no way he’d make a decent costume.

Apparently, on the left is G.I. Joe‘s Duke, looking even more like a Power Ranger than unusual, and on the right is legendary fashion-ninja Storm Shadow. Not pictured: the Snake Eyes costume, which actually doesn’t look bad, and Baroness, since her costume apparently doesn’t exist (the guy tells me it’s a licensing issue, but I think it’s because Hasbro knows 85% of men who grew up in the ’80s will force their girlfriends/wives/favorite prostitutes into wearing them and immediately film amateur porn with them).

Terrifyingly, the “Doctor” mask is already sold out. However, I believe if you see someone actually wearing one in public, you are legally allowed to beat them to death with a bat or pipe.