Merchandise, Video Games

How to Fail at Life, #327

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Purchase this — the WowPod, a self-contained World of Warcraft environment that terrifyingly takes care of all your needs, assuming you can sleep sitting up. From BoingBoing:

The WOW Pod is an immersive architectural solution for the advanced WOW
(World of Warcraft) player that provides and anticipates all life
needs.

Inside, the gamer finds him/herself comfortable seated in front of
the computer screen with easy-to-reach water, pre-packaged food, and a
toilet conveniently placed underneath his/her custom-built throne.

When hungry, the gamer selects a food item (‘Crunchy Spider
Surprise’, ‘Beer Basted Ribs’, etc.) and a seasoning pack. By scanning
in the food items, the video game physically adjusts a hot plate to
cook the item for the correct amount of time. The virtual character
then jubilantly announces the status of the meal to both the gamer and
the other individuals playing online: “Vorcon’s meal is about to be
done!” “Better eat the ribs while they’re hot!” etc.

When the food is ready, the system automatically puts the
character in AFK (‘Away From Keyboard’) mode to provide the gamer a
moment to eat. When the player resumes playing, he/she might just
discover his/her character’s behavior is affected by the food consumed
in real life — sluggish from overeating or alternately exuberant and
energetic.

I don’t want to go out on a limb here, but if you buy anything that allows you to poop 24/7 without moving, you’ve failed at life, and if that device’s primary goal is to allow you to play videogames, then you should be expelled. From life. Meaning murdered. I love videogames — I may even play a few iPhone games on the toilet — but this is going much too far. Anytime shitting your pants is the more dignified option, you know you’ve done something terribly wrong. Thanks to Clarence for the tip.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.