Movies, Toys

Stupid Transformers 3 News Is Stupid

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megan_fox_transformers_motorcycle.jpg

?
And it makes me stupid for having to read it, let alone pass it on, but it’s my job. It’s not even news, just more bullshit made up by a crappy gossip magazine (although it’s American this time, and not British). Note this “report” is from Popcrunch about an In Touch Weekly article

The bubbleheaded bombshell’s recent comments blasting Transformers
director Michael Bay as tough to work for than “Hitler” — coupled with
a scornful letter penned by members of the film’s crew, which slam Meg
as an ungrateful brat — could cost the outspoken brunette her job in
the upcoming third installment.

Movie industry insiders tell In Touch Weekly, Michael is considering writing Megan out of the series in a gory death scene in the first few frames of Transformers 3 and replacing with another gorgeous young actress.

“Michael’s pretty much discovered Megan and now he’s very quietly looking for her replacement,” the source spilled. “He hasn’t decided if he’s going to kill her off in the next movie, but he just wants to be prepared.”

First of all, fuck you for making me write this. Second of all, not that In Touch Weekly is a reputable source, but perhaps Popcrunch could have given a link to the story, assuming it exists at all. I think that Transformers 2 crew letter was comissioned by a butthurt Michael Bay after Megan Fox rather accurately pointed out that the movie she starred in made no fucking sense. Seriously, think of how many actors have been awful on film sets, and yet somehow Megan Fox — whose every move is reported on in tiniest detail and by no indication did anything noteworthy on the TF2 set — is so horrible that the crew of TF2 felt compelled to defend poor multimillionaire Michael Bay’s skill and professionalism? BULLSHIT.

Fourth but not least, I can’t imagine Michael Bay not casting Fox in TF3. He’s such a hack that he’d never let anything like that get in the way of making a jillion-dollar movie. He’s never cared about anything like that before. If suddenly Michael Bay’s “dignity” is such that he can’t work with Megan Fox, after selling out HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER HAS IN THE HISTORY OF EVER AND NEVER MORE PROMINENTLY THAN IN TRANSFORMERS WITH ITS RACIST GMC CARS AND LG PHONES AND PEANUTS AND COUNTLESS OTHER BULLSHIT I WILL KILL HIM. I WILL KILL MICHAEL BAY FOR HIS HYPOCRISY AND I WILL WEAR HIS SKIN.

Fuck. Why couldn’t Transformers 3 have stayed scheduled for 2012, where at least I had decent odds of the world ending first?

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.