Shocker Toys, You Poor, Poor Fools

?Somewhere lost in the madness of the 2011 New York Toy Fair was this announcement by Shocker Toys (from the press release):

Anime Spotlight:  Just as Indie Spotlight
brings together great heroes from several different comic companies into
one powerful series, Anime Spotlight will unite the legendary
characters of VIZ, Toei and Funimation for the first time anywhere. 
Figures will be 6 inch scaled (according to their proper heights) and
packed with articulation allowing your favorite characters to pull off
the signature poses they are known for.  We also wanted the Anime
Spotlight action figures to be as unique as their animated counterparts,
so we chose key facial expressions for standard and alternate heads
that capture the attitude of each character perfectly.  Anime Spotlight
Series 1 (pending approvals) will include…

?          Naruto’s Kakashi Hatake (VIZ) with a variant swapping his head and hands to become Iruka Umino

?           Bleach’s Ichigo Kurosaki (VIZ) with a variant allowing for season 1 and 2 looks as well as battle damage

?          Death Note’s L (VIZ)

?          Doctor Slump’s The Monster (Toei)

?          One Piece’s Nico Robin (Funimation)

?          2 pack with Naruto’s Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka (VIZ)

Oh, Shocker Toys. Honey.

I know some of you have had problems with Shocker in the past, particularly the very long time it takes them to get toys to market. But ignore that for a second. First of all, Shocker — god bless your little hearts for trying. I count trying to bring an anime toyline like this — trying to make a Marvel Legends of various anime characters — to be a noble endeavor. You are trying to make the nerd world a better place, and give U.S. anime fans the same toy opportunities as everybody else. Right on. Thank you.

Unfortunately, this is the most doomed thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been covering the Spider-Man musical for the last year. First of all, maybe 10 people in America will buy a Dr. Slump action figure if you released one of the two main characters, but the Monster? No one. No one in America will buy that. Second, while I’m as big a One Piece fan as they come, I would not buy a Nico Robin figure because I have no idea if or when you’d ever get to the more major characters of One Piece. I don’t want to own a Nico Robin figure if I’m not ever going to get the other Straw Hat pirates. Starting with her is as insane as… releasing any kind of Dr. Slump figure, frankly.

Last but not least, I don’t think Shocker has any idea of what it’s like to deal with the Japanese approval process. IT IS THE WORST. There is very much a reason why no American company has made decent anime figures like these before. Chances are, Shocker has already written Toei, Viz and their evil overlords Shueisha a licensing fee, meaning Japan doesn’t give a single shit if these toys ever come out — they’ve got their cash. Add to that Shocker’s previous troubles with releasing products on a timely schedule, and I sincerely doubt we’ll ever, ever see these in stores. Best of luck, Shocker. You are going to need it.