TR Contest: Superhero Valentines

?I’m still reeling from the grammatical nightmare that was today’s FFF, so forgive me if I keep this brief: This weekend’s contest is to think up Valentine’s Day cards that superheroes might give to other superheroes. Well, really, that any comic book character might give to another comic book character. Spider-Man to Mary Jane. Superman to Lois Lane. The Joker to Barbara Gordon. The Goon to Tarot. Whatever. If they’re comic characters and have some kind of relationship, it works for me.

I figure there’s two ways these entries can go: Either hilariously stupid, or incredibly inappropriate. Either is fine. I don’t know how I’ll judge, but I’ll probably give extra points if you make up a rhyme. Beware of the dreaded Rob-invariably-skips-over-any-entries-that-are-too-long rule — these are cards, and the text should be short. And if you’re wondering if I’ve run this contest before, shockingly, I haven’t (although I had to check).

Three entries per person. Contest ends at 12:01 am EST on Monday, February 14th, a.k.a. Valentine’s Day. If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship, I hope you have an excellent, romantic time; if you’re not, fuck those guys, and make sure you get good and drunk. At any case, I hope all of you avoid the banana cave this weekend.