Fan Fiction Friday: Kirby Returns in “Kirby’s Engagement”
?It’s been a long time since the blobby pink sex god Kirby graced us with his presence. Long-time Topless Roboteers might remember Kirby as the star of two different fan fics by author sonicmaster5000, where the fleshy sphere commits a number of depraved but mechanically described sex acts with Princess Ribbon, who appears to be 3-years-old. Well, this is yet another story by sonicmaster5000 where Kirby commits number of depraved but mechanically described sex acts with Princess Ribbon, who appears to be 3-years-old, because when you’ve found your muse, you stick to it, my friends. You don’t have to read the first two stories — “Of Strawberries and Marshmallows” and “Pie in the Sky” — to understand this one, but it does add a certain amount of horror to know that there’s one dude who is happy to spend his time writing multiple stories about a large pink sphere fucking a toddler, and absolutely nothing else. Enjoy.
One day in Dreamland, Kirby was sleeping still dreaming about Ribbon.
He has always dream about her after he saved her planet from Dark
Matter. He also remembered how he felt embarrassed after falling from
getting kissed by Ribbon. He wonders if he would ever see her again.
He then saw a shooting star in the sky and it landed in his yard. Kirby
ran out to see what it was.
It’s interesting that Kirby is embarrassed about kissing Ribbon, seeing, you know, as he’s previously eaten her shit.
All of a sudden Ribbon appears.
Ribbon: It has been a while has it Kirby.
Indeed it has.
Kirby nods in agreement. They then talked for a while about their
experiences since their last encounter. Unknown to Ribbon at the time,
Kirby actually knew she was coming today and had a huge surprise for
It was his penis.
Ribbon: Well I will be on this planet for a while. Is it alright if I stay at your house?
Kirby: Of course. But before I do that I got something for ya.
Ribbon started to blush lightly as she knew that Kirby would give
something to her. Kirby then did something unexpected. He kneeled down
before her and popped the question.
Kirby: Ribbon will you marry me?
Ribbon became bright red. She was told by the Ripple Star queen that
it was time to find a mate. However, she wasn’t expecting that her mate
would be Kirby.
Has she not read the other two Kirby fan fics?
Kirby and Ribbon then kissed as Kirby put the ring on her. They knew
that their relationship will last for a long time. Ribbon then thought
Ribbon: Hey Kirby. I know something that will make this moment more enjoyable.
I SAID HIS PENIS, GODDAMMIT
Kirby was a little bit puzzled at what Ribbon wanted to do. He then
saw Ribbon enter his house. He decided to wait for 3 minutes trying to
figure out what Ribbon was doing. He enters the house and then sees
Ribbon naked. He was amazed at her beauty. He was getting a hard-on.
As always, it’s worth remembering that Ribbon looks like this:
Kirby: Wow you are very beautiful.
“For a three-year-old.”
Ribbon then got on her knees and started to suck on Kirby’s dick.
Kirby felt the sweet saliva covering his dick. Ribbon started slow but
picked up the pace. Kirby’s moans were getting louder.
Kirby: That feels great Ribbon. Keep on going.
Ribbon then managed to fit all of his dick into her mouth and went as
fast as he could. Ribbon even touched and played with his balls. Kirby
Kirby: I’m cumming.
Kirby then shot his load into Ribbon. She swallowed it all and
smiled. Kirby then put Ribbon on the bed and started to eat her pussy
out. Ribbon moaned loudly at this action.
Say what you want, but no one captures pure eroticism quite like sonicmaster5000.
Kirby: Your pussy tastes like watermelon.
Previous things Ribbon’s vagina has tasted like: strawberries and toasted marshmallows. I’m starting to think she keeps her Jelly Bellies in there.
Ribbon laughed knowing that one of Kirby’s favorite foods was
watermelon. Kirby then went faster and deeper as he was holding onto
her by her ass. He was enjoying this so well that he did not bother to
Um, isn’t his mouth somewhat occupied at the moment? What the hell is he going to say? “Mmmph-mph?” “I don’t talk with my mouth full?” “Why are all these jelly beans in here?”
Ribbon put her hands on Kirby encouraging him to do his
best. Kirby then got a furious pace going and was eating her out like
he did in the Gourmet Race.
Today’s ingredient: Vaginal fluid!
Ribbon couldn’t hold on any longer and came
on Kirby’s face. Kirby eats it all up and then proceeds to rub
Ribbon’s breasts. Ribbon moaned loudly as she like the feeling.
What? Maybe this was going to be an erotic fan fic where the three-year-old princess didn’t like the feeling of having her breasts rubbed by a large pink sphere. That’s why these details are so important!
then has an idea and pushes Kirby off of her. She then starts to
masturbate Kirby’s dick using her boobs.
Look at the picture of Ribbon above.
Kirby smiled at this action.
He even helped her by putting his hands on the side of the boobs. She
then went as fast and hard as she could with this act. Ribbon looked
down at Kirby’s face knowing how cute he was and how lucky she is that
she will get married to him.
Kirby couldn’t hold on much longer and came on Ribbon’s face and boobs. Kirby then had a thought.
Kirby: Can you put your ass onto my face?
Aw. Kirby’s popped two romantic questions today!
Ribbon giggled as she lay Kirby down and sat on him. She then moved
her hips around so that Kirby’s entire face gets smothered by her ass.
Kirby somehow manages to reach for Ribbon’s pussy and rubs it. After
three minutes worth of face sitting, Ribbon start to feel something.
Sounds like Kirby’s doing it wrong.
Ribbon: Sorry to disappoint you but we need to take a break from having sex. I have to go poop.
Kirby first thought that this was disappointing. He then had a kinky smile on his face.
Kirby: Cover my entire body in your poop.
Ribbon giggled and then started to poop on Kirby. She did not stop
pooping until after five minutes. She then turned around and started to
spread the poop evenly all over Kirby’s body, making sure every inch of
it is covered, including his dick.
Normally, reading about someone covering someone’s entire body with feces would get a Toht, but sonicmaster5000 just makes it sound so… perfunctory.
Once she finished rubbing, she had
the feeling of pooping again. She then instructed to Kirby to open his
mouth. She then pooped for another minute.
All in all, it totaled six straight minutes of pooping.
Ribbon: I think I am done pooping finally.
Kirby was happy she was done pooping.
Ribbon, however, decided to pee
into Kirby’s mouth. Afterwards, Kirby started to have the same feeling.
Kirby: Time for me to poop on you.
SONICMASTER5000, MASTER OF EROTICISM
Ribbon giggled and lays down for Kirby. He then poops for an even
longer time than Ribbon. He then does the same thing and completely
covers her body. He made sure that her boobs, her vagina, even her hair
Okay, let’s take a minute to realize what’s being written about here: A three-year-old girl and a large pink blob, both of whom are completely covered in shit. How the fuck is this supposed to be arousing? Who the fuck is simultaneously a pedophile, a coprophiliac and a Kirby fetishist? How big could the center of that Venn diagram really be? If you’ve ever written a story that anyone who is only a pedophile, a shit fetishest or a Kirby lover reads it and says, “That’s fucking gross” you have failed life on a level that is truly spectacular.
Once he was done, the two kissed. Ribbon then put Kirby
on the floor as she opened up her ass. She then sat on Kirby’s dick and
allowed it to enter her. She moaned loudly and then started to bounce
up and down on it. While she was doing this, Kirby rubbed her poop
That definitely deserves a Toht.
Ribbon responded by bouncing up and down even faster.
She continued this action for quite sometime.
Kirby: I’m going to cum.
Ribbon nodded and was reaching her limit. Kirby then came inside
Ribbon’s ass. She left all of Kirby’s dick inside her until he was done
cumming. Ribbon then got on top of Kirby again. This time, she put
Kirby’s dick into her pussy.
Kirby: Are you sure about this?
Ribbon: Of course. I would love to have children with you.
SAID THE SHIT-COVERED THREE-YEAR-OLD TO THE SHIT-COVERED PINK BLOB
Kirby simply smiled as Ribbon began to thrust hard, making sure his
dick goes as far in as possible. She shook off a bit of pain as her
virginity disappeared. She then went faster and harder.
Kirby: I love you Ribbon.
Ribbon: I love you too Kirby.
Well. As long as they’re in love, rubbing shit all over each other is fine, I guess. Let that be a lesson, kids — the first time you let some poop on you and rub it over you entire body, make sure it’s with someone special. You can only lose your getting-covered-in-shit-virginity once, you know!
Ribbon was at full speed and power now. She was getting close and
came. Kirby then shot his load inside her and then pulled out.
Ribbon: That was great Kirby.
Kirby: I am not done yet.
All right. Kirby has come what, four times at this point? Now, I understand the futility of complaining about realism in an erotic fan fic about Kirby, but c’mon. Four male orgasms in a row? Either this dude has incredible staying power, or he’s so sexually inexperienced he’s never even masturbated. Both possibilities are just horrifying.
With that Kirby got Ribbon on her hands and knees. The two were still
completely covered in poop but they didn’t care. Kirby then began to
furiously put his dick inside Ribbon’s ass. He then began to thrust
into her while holding on to her breasts, lightly pinching them. Kirby
then spanked her poop covered ass cheeks.
Ribbon moaned loudly
wondering if this moment will ever stop.
PLEASE GOD STOP
Kirby’s movements became even
more furious as he spanked harder and his pinches being even tighter all
while going full power. Kirby never thought that this sexual encounter
was going to last a while. Kirby and Ribbon then came at the same time
three minutes later. Kirby pulled out slowly.
Ribbon: *panting* That was great.
Kirby: We will continue to have sex until we get tired.
Kirby then put Ribbon on her back and wasted no time putting his dick
inside her pussy. Kirby then went absolutely very hard and fast with
the thrusts. Ribbon meanwhile put a finger or two inside Kirby’s anus.
Kirby was surprised at this and went even faster.
You know, call me old-fashioned, but once you’ve covered yourself in your lover’s feces, you’ve lost the right to be surprised by anything, really. Even fingers suddenly getting shoved up your ass.
With each increase
in speed of Kirby’s thrusts, Ribbon pumps her fingers in and out
faster. Kirby then had visions of what Meta Knight told him when he got
back from Ripple Star. It was about the fact that Kirby should start
finding a mate so a new generation of star warriors can come in case new
threats occur. Kirby then came inside her. Some of it even dripped
out of her pussy a little. Ribbon giggled at this.
Hee hee! It’s funny because YEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH
It was starting to
rain outside. There was a shower in Kirby’s house but he had a better
Kirby: Hey Ribbon. Want to wash off the poop outside?
Ribbon: But what if someone sees us?
Kirby: It is alright. No one comes to this area anyways unless they call me in advance.
With that Kirby led Ribbon outside. The rain was cold. Ribbon started
to shiver so Kirby ended up hugging her for warmth. They rubbed each
other’s body making sure every inch of their bodies is cleared of any
Hey, maybe next time you guys could SKIP THE POOPING ALTOGETHER
It took them 15 minutes to get completely clean. Kirby and
Ribbon then lie down on the grass. Ribbon then uses her feet and
reached for his dick. She then began to masturbate it. Kirby knew that
she couldn’t get enough of his dick.
Kirby simply relaxed while Ribbon
does her job. Ribbon went faster as time passes. She even got some of
his balls with her feet. Kirby wailed as he came on her feet. Ribbon
Ribbon: Can I taste your cum again?
Kirby then allowed Ribbon to start sucking on his dick again. However,
he managed to get themselves into the 69 position.
Wait a second. Kirby is a goddamned sphere. How on earth would OH GOD WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS YEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH
He then was eating
her out while his dick moves in and out of Ribbon’s mouth. They did not
stop for air as they were at a very fast pace. Ribbon somehow finds a
way to fit all of his dick inside her mouth as well as his balls. They
then stuck fingers in each other’s asses so they get maximum pleasure.
All of a sudden, they came at the same time, eating up each other’s
juices. Just then it stopped raining outside. Ribbon then had a wild
OH GOD WERE THE PREVIOUS IDEAS NOT WILD
Ribbon: Hey Kirby. Think we could fuck while airborne?
Kirby smiled as the two were standing up.
Kirby: Do you want to do anal or vaginal?
Ribbon: Both please.
Kirby then plunged into her ass while standing up. Ribbon then flapped
her wings and Kirby began to float. They then end up being 15 feet
above the ground. Kirby then began to furiously fuck her ass. Kirby
hold tight to her boobs so that they can have more pleasure as well as
to prevent them from falling. They seemed to enjoy this very much.
“I’m just the author, so I honestly don’t know. Actually, I thought the poop thing was gross, too, but again, they seemed to enjoy it very much.”
Ribbon then had visions of the queen telling her to go find a mate as
soon as possible. She then remembers telling her that she was returning
to Popstar for a visit. The queen approved knowing that she may not
come back if she found a mate. Ribbon probably knew that the queen was
happy that she was with Kirby now. Kirby then gave one last thrust
before cumming inside her ass for the third time.
“Ribbon also probably knew that the queen was happy that Kirby was anally violating her for the umpteenth time that day. The queen was kind of a weirdo.”
The two then landed on the ground before Kirby puts his dick inside her
pussy. They again made their rise to the sky. Kirby and Ribbon hold
to each other’s backs tight so they don’t fall. Kirby then was fucking
her at a very fast pace. Ribbon then did the same thing back. Kirby
then wondered how King Dedede would have reacted to him getting engaged
to Ribbon and having sex with her. Of course he is now no longer king
as he was forced to leave after Meta Knight accused him of treason.
Kirby and Ribbon gave each other all that they have. They then came at
the same time and remained airborne for a while. They then land.
Ribbon: We need to go to bed.
Kirby: I agree but I want to keep my dick inside you.
Maybe if I pull hard enough, I can tear my own head off.
The two then went back inside. From there Ribbon invited Kirby on his bed.
Kirby: Can I cum inside your ass and pussy one more time each?
Ribbon then reached behind the bed where her clothes were and found a toy plane.
Ribbon: Inhale this please.
Holy fuck what is happening now
Kirby nodded. He then inhaled it and became Jet Kirby. He then
realized the idea.
Looks like someone’s going to join the Mile High Club.
Ribbon was already on her hands and knees on the
bed. Kirby then charged the turbine on his head full power before
inserting his dick inside her ass.
Three words that are always disturbing in the same sentence: “dick,” “ass” and “turbine”
He then released the turbine. The
power generated from that one thrust was way more powerful than any of
the fucks they had that night. He then manages to find a way to charge
up his turbine very fast and then quickly release it. Kirby then came
just two minutes later. Kirby then switched up and fucked her pussy
with the same great force. Ribbon was in heaven now.
BECAUSE SHE’D JUST BEEN FUCKED TO DEATH BY A JET ENGINE
It did not take
long for the two to cum one last time. Kirby and Ribbon then kissed.
Kirby then laid his head on her boobs, acting like they are pillows.
Ribbon did her part by using her feet to attach to the heels of Kirby’s
feet tightly, making sure that their bodies remain tight to each other
and more importantly Kirby’s dick remains inside her. They fall asleep
two minutes later. They later went on to help rule dreamland, have four
children, and had lots of sex. Of course Ribbon still wanted to be
filled with cum, they took birth control so that Ribbon didn’t get
pregnant again. The end.
Well. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to never stop drinking ever