E3 Trifecta 4: Assassin’s Creed 3, Hell Yeah!, Agni’s Philosophy

? I apologize for posting more AssCreed, but there was a gameplay video posted, and it’s pretty fucking sweet. Especially if you like killin’ Redcoats, like all freedom-loving Amurrrrrrricans do. Because Connor kills a shit-ton of them. Are we sure he’s really not on either side? Because right now I’m thinking the only American colonist he’s going to assassinate is going to be Benedict Arnold.

? This video shows off the wild gameplay of the classic side-scrolling shooter Hell Yeah! Wrath of the Dead Rabbit. It looks delightfully insane and violent, but the real reason I’m showing it is because the thing that sets Ash, bunny of hell, off on his rampage of revenge is that he gets caught using a rubber ducky like a Fleshlight. This has been 100% confirmed by the creator. He’s fucking the ducky. That sound you heard was Abraxas buying all the Xbox Live points in anticipation.
? Agni’s Philosophy is not a game; it’s Square Enix’s real-time, Final Fantasy-ish next-generation tech demo. It’s quite pretty. Thank goodness it’s not an actual Final Fantasy game, though, because I couldn’t take five minutes of some tiny green-haired girl waxing about how love will conquer her destiny or some shit, no matter how well-rendered.