Fan Fiction Friday: “Girl Wonder’s Life Story” Part 2

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Welcome back, boys, girls, and infants of all shape-shifting abilities, to part 2 of “Girl Wonder.” This is the first time ever I’ve broken an erotic fan fic into two parts, so if you missed last week’s installment, you should probably take a moment to check it out here. For those who read it but might need a refresher:

? Our 1-month-old heroine Samantha was abandoned by her parents in a forest. Having read the first part of the story, no one blames them.
? Sam learned to talk, walk, fight and eat raw deer before she was a month old. 
? She looks like a 5 years old for no discernable reason.
? She was bitten by an extinct tiger, which had no consequences whatsoever.
? She was found by Damian Wayne and Stephanie Brown, who took her to an orphanage for kids with powers people who were too annoying to be useful to society.
? A group called The Hand tried to kill her — on principle, mostly, it seems — but she beat them all up and Batman was impressed. Batman asks Sam — who looks like a 5-year-old — to be his partner; Sam says no. Note: She is 3 mos.-old month when this happens.
? Sam transforms into a 15-year-old body, puts on a shirt with a Superman logo, and goes out to fight crime as “Girl Wonder”
? Oh, she also somehow found and broke into the Batcave and stole Batman’s stuff; when Batman asks for it back, she says no. Batman pouts.
? Still, Batman and the Justice League are so impressed with her crime-fighting skills they let her join.
? Eventually, The Hood kidnaps her and somehow this results in Sam hanging out with Joker and telling Batman he sucks.
? When Sam turns 4, she gets kidnapped by The Hand again (this happens a lot) and dies so all the men in her life feel bad. She rises from her grave five days later, like a Jesus who couldn’t stop hitting the snooze button.
? Sam decides to quit the Justice League and be homeless for several years. Eventually, at the age of 5, she watches a “dolphin show” at a mall with Aquaman and Aqualad. 
? Last but not least, at the age of 8, she arrives at the circus where Dick Grayson and his acrobat parents work. Having found her sleeping under the bleachers like a hobo and having watched her eat a raw steak, Dick fals instantly and helplessly in love with her. It’s disgusting.
? But alas! A criminal named Zucko has arrived at the circus, a criminal that Sam had gotten arrested in her misspent homeless years. 
What will ever happen next?

smiled and ran out of the trailer. ‘Come on guys!’ He said to his
parents who followed out soon after him. They all ran into the tent
where they preform and looked around for Sam. Dick called out for her a
couple times till she replied, sounding scared ‘D-Dick~’ Zucko walked
out of the shadow’s, with his men, who, one of them, had his arm around
sam’s neck, who was bloodied up and beaten badly. 


Dick and his parents
gasped when they saw the men and Sam, his parents moving Dick behind
him. Dick looked at Sam, and noticed how much pain she was in, and that
she was crying. 

Remember that Sam has fought off the cult that wants her dead since she was a toddler, she has the power to transform into anybody, and she has telekinesis. So obviously, the one thing she can’t possibly fight is a few paunchy gangsters with guns.

He had to make them let her go, he thought. “Let her

Great plan, Dick.

Dick yelled as two more of Zucko’s men went and grabbed his parents
from behind leaving Dick standing there by himself. Zucko saw the
scared look on Dick”s face and walked over to him, pointing a gun to his
forehead. Sam saw this and screamed crying more, “No!” She screamed.
Zucko looked at Sam and walked over to her, pointing the gun to her
forehead. “What? Would you rather die instead?” Zucko asked her as
Batman jumped in through the roof. 

“Yes! She’d rather die!” Batman screamed. “Don’t wait for her to answer, just go ahead and do it! Tell you what, I’ll even make this one a freebie. I’m just going to turn around, and if I happen to hear a loud bang behind me, I’l just assume a car backfired or something. And if I turn around 60 seconds later, and if the girl happens to have a hole in her skull, well, who’s to say she didn’t have it when I got here?”

When batman jumped In her took down
to of Zucko’s men, as the one holding onto Sam, pushed her away from him
and she fell onto the ground. Him and Zucko ran out and Batman ran
after him. Dick’s father John, went over to Sam and started helping her
up. Richard ran over to them, and asked Sam if she was alright, Sam
nodded. You could already hear the sirens of the Ambulance and police
driving down there. A few moments later they strapped Sam to the gurney
and put her into the ambulance, driving off to the hospital. Once they
got to the hospital, they fixed sam up, who ended up having 3 broken
ribs, a broken right arm and A concussion. 

Ah, pity the poor Mary Sue. Blessed with incredible powers whenever she needs to impress a man, but powerless and extremely fragile whenever she needs a man to have sympathy for her. 

As they were casting up Sam,
John and Mary went and canceled the show.

Since they actually didn’t own the circus and weren’t in charge, and the person who was hurt was not even a member of the circus, the real owner was quite annoyed and fired them.

The next day, everyone was walking into the tent getting ready to
watch the show. In the back Dick and his parents were getting dressed
into their performing outfits and then walked out onto the stage.
Meanwhile, In their trailer Sam was hurrying over to the tent to watch
their show, so she quickly walked in through the back and saw Zucko
sitting in the bleachers and saw Bruce Wayne sitting behind him. She
knew something was up. 

I imagine the hospital had initially wanted her to stay a couple of days to monitor her, orat least the cops would want to keep her protected from Zucko for a little bit. But after a couple of hours in her brilliant radiance, I’m betting the hospital staff and the cops assigned to protect her were happy to push her outside the hospital lobby and point in the general direction of the circus.

Sam quickly ran over to the ladder and climbed up
onto the platform Dick was standing on. 


Dick was just about to grab
onto his parents hands when Sam grabbed him and pulled him back and they
both watched his parents plummet to their deaths.

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You mean

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Read that again:

Dick was just about to grab onto his parents hands when Sam grabbed him and pulled him back and they both watched his parents plummet to their deaths.

SAM JUST MADE DICK KILL HIS PARENTS. I know that’s not what the author intends, but is there any other way this sentence can possibly be read? “Dick was just about to grab onto his parents hands” (and catch them) “when Sam grabbed him and pulled him back” (away from where his parents needed to be caught) “and they both watched his parents plummet to their deaths.” FAN. FUCKING. TASTIC. 

The crowd gasped and
Dick fell to his knee’s, covering his face with his hands, crying. Sam
noticed how sad he was and hugged him “I”m sorry.” 

“I’m sorry I made you kill your parents. It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.” 

Also, “Sam noticed how sad he was” that his parents had just graphically died right before his eyes? Obviously, sensing people’s emotions is another of Sam’s many superpowers.

Dick felt her hug him
and pushed her away from him. “this is all your fault.” He said angrily
and ran off. 

“Hey, why are you freaking out? So I made you kill your parents. Whatever. You don’t have to be a dick about it, Dick.” 

And after that night, Sam never saw him again, at least
for a while.

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Two years that later, Sam was walking around Central City, when she
saw a pissed off boy walk out of a coffee shop. His name was Wally.
Wally West, Being the major flirt that he was, saw Sam and walked over
to talk to her ‘Hey gorgeous.’ 

“Why, you’re the sexiest 10-year-old I’ve ever seen!” said Wally.

Sam rolled her eyes and smiled continuing
to walk down the side-walk, having Wally follow her, which she thought
was very creepy. 

It is creepy, because you’re 10 years old, Sam. You were 8 during the Robin nonsense, and it’s two years later. Wally is at minimum 15 (his age when Young Justice began, which is undoubtedly where the author is pulling this Wally from). Obviously Wally is underage himself, but if there’s any (young) justice in the world, he’d still go to jail for macking on you.

She kept walking along the side-walk with wally
following her. She thought it was so creepy she had to make it stop.
‘Okay, Why are you following me Wa–‘ She quickly stopped talking and
started walking away fast. Wally’s eyes widened and he ran after her,
grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around. ‘How do you know my
name?’ He asked her, which she just froze, not knowing how to answer. 

“I saw you on the sex offender database. I’m obviously not the first preteen you’ve hit on.”

 She didn’t open her mouth, cause she knew if she did ‘I know Flash’ or
‘I know your uncle’ would come out and everything would go hectic. Sam
just looked at him, turning around and saying she had to go and then ran

Girl Wonder displays the tactical genius we’ve heard so much about, and runs away from Kid Flash. And it works! No one can top the terrifying power of The Mary Sue! It’s like the Beyonder had sex with a Twilight book.

About an hour later it was dark outside and Sam, still being
homeless, laid down on a bench in the park, trying not to fall asleep. 


She looked up at the stars looking for constellations up in the sky.
While looking for constellations she started to fall asleep, until she
heard the voice of a creeper.



‘There you are!’ Wally called out to her. 


Sam jumped and fell off the bench, the only thing that Sam liked about
this was that he woke her up. Wally saw Sam fall off the bench and went
to help her up, apologizing as he helped her. When Sam stood up she
punched Wally in the arm “Why are you following me!?” 

“It’s kind of hard to explain. Tell you what, why don’t you come over to my windowless van, where we can talk in private. I have candy in there!”

Wally rubbed his
arm and said he just wanted to know how she knew his name. Then she
remembered she shape-shifted into a different girl when she entered
Central City, so she could say anything, then leave.


So she answered
with “I know your uncle Barry.” After she said that they both sat down
and started talking, Wally making Sam laugh. She was having a great

And the drink he had given her was delicious! What had Wally called it? A roof-tini?

She realized Wally wasn’t that bad after all. “When do you got to
be back at home?” She asked. 

“My state-mandated curfew is 9pm,” explained Wally, lifting his leg to reveal the tracking deveice clamped to it.

Wally answered with 11pm, “Cause his uncle
Barry gave him the curfew, which he didn”t like at all. 

It really got in the way of his attemnts to have sex with children. BECAUSE WALLY IS A PEDOPHILE I’M NOT SURE I’VE MADE THIS CLEAR

Wally stood up
saying he had to go because it was almost 11, but before he walked off
they made plans to hang out the next day. He walked off leaving Sam all
alone. Once Wally left, Sam got up and started walking around when
Barry, Or The Flash, ran in front of her. “I don”t know who you are but
stay away from my nephew.” He said to her, looking at her suspiciously. 

Displaying the kindhearted nature and innate goodness that the members of the Justice League are known for.

Sam looked at him, shocked “But Barry'” She said and then accidentally
shape-shifted back into herself. 

This really doesn’t deserve a Toht, but “accidentally shape-shifted back into herself” demanded the Price Is Right fail music.

His eyes widened and Sam noticed this,
then ran off, thinking she”ll never come back here. Leaving Wally stood
up, of course Wally thought he should of known.

Again. Sam’s immediate plan is to run away from Kid Flash and the Flash. She’s got a mind like a steel-trap, that one, and she’s got her head firmly stuck in it and its cutting off the circulation to her brain.

years later, when Sam was 13 she was in the park, in her hero Costume,
when she heard some explosions, and since she is a hero she had to go
see what was going on. She ran over to where she heard the explosions
and saw Boy Wonder being attacked, Of course though, she knew that
Dick/”Richard” was Robin. 

Damian and Stephanie had told her when they found her in the forest 13 years ago.

She helped him out, them both defeating the
people who were trying to kill him. What Sam didn”t realize is that her
mask was blown off and when Robin turned to look at her, his eye widened
under his mask. “Sam!?” He asked so surprised “Since when are you “Girl
Wonder” and have powers?” Sam looked at him, and said since she was
half a year old and said she could not believe he thought it was her
fault his parents were killed. 

“I just kept you from catching them! Really, gravity killed your parents, if you want to get technical about it.”

Being the guy he was he kinda got mad and
asked her a little angry “Why didn”t you tell me you were girl
wonder?….” Sam looked at him “Why didn”t you tell me you were Boy
Wonder? Why didn”t you come looking for me when I went missing? I have a
hard time believing those 3 words you kept telling me were true..” She
said angrily back. 

“If you really loved me you wouldn’t have cared that I made you kill your parents! You’re like the worst boyfriend ever!”

Robin looked at her surprised she yelled, she never

Because Sam has been such an emotionally even-keeled character so far.

“It was your fault!!” He yelled back, you could already hear
sirens on their way there. Batman and the rest of Robin”s team got there
and didn”t know who he was talking to. 

“So that’s what that feels like, ” said Batman, shortly before slitting his wrists at being outclassed by a 13-year-old girl.

Sam looked at Robin with a sad
expression on her face, a tear escaping her eye and wishpered “It was
not my fault.” She looked down and ran off. Robin”s eye widened, he
never wanted to make her sad like that.

Goddammit, Robin. So she murdered your parents in cold blood, using you as the unwitting instrument of their deaths! That’s no reason to make the poor girl cry!

The next day, Batman, Flash, Green arrow, Superman, and Aquaman were
talking to Robin”s team about what happened last night, when Roy walked
into the Mountain. He went straight and turned on the news. The news
reporter came onto the tv “Everyone and I mean EVERYONE, Is happy to
hear our own “Girl Wonder” Is back” 

brb, vomiting profusely

The Whole league heard this and went
to the mountain, watching this news cast. “She is even here with us.”
The news reporter said and the camera zoomed out to show Sam in her
costume and the new reporter. “How does it feel to be back? Are you glad
to be back? Why”d you come back?” The news reporter asked Sam. The
questions were very whelming for her so she thought about it for a

Note: The first season of Young Justice has the team using the fake word “whelming” as a repeated joke. The author here is using it as a real word, which she has mistaken for “overwhelming.” Honestly, this is so ignorant I actually got teary-eyed for a second.

‘I actually never left, I hid from the people I cared most about
so they wouldn’t be put in danger, but I decided to come out of hiding.
It’s time for me to show my face again.’ 

“Um, does that mean you’ve been here the entire time, and just refusing to use your powers for good or helping people?” asked the reporter. “Isn’t that incredibly selfish, if not also kind of shitty?”

Roy then turned off the TV,
and looked at Batman and them. ‘She’s not going to be leaving for a
while.’ He walked out of the room.

Maybe this means Robin can finally press charges.

After hearing the news, Batman and the other mentors had smiles on
there faces. 


They were very happy about Sam being back, Dick was too,
but he wouldn’t admit it. 

Because then his parents would come down from heaven and haunt his ass.

Batman looked over at the other mentors and
everyone got into the Bio-Ship and flew off in camouflage mode. They
drove around the City looking for Sam when they found her on a stage,
with 3 other people, 

“Forget fighting crime for the afternoon! Let’s all go see Sam!” yelled Batman cheerfully! “Wheeee!”

One was by the drums and the other two were holding
guitars, Sam was by the microphone. 

Oh fuck no

Of course Sam liked to sing, 


so she
started ‘Oh, ah-ah, oh, Oh, ah-ah, oh, Im so pathetic, Dont know what
to do, Oh, ah-ah, oh, Cause now you got me cornered in the room, Oh,
ah-ah, oh, Picture moment, And now Im screwed, Oh, ah-ah, oh, Hey, dont
tell me Im beautiful cause I dont wanna hear it from you, Oh, ah-ah,




When she started singing, Wally looked around ‘Uhm, Where’s Robin?’
Everyone looked around and shrugged, then continued to listen to Sam
sing. ‘Are you kidding? Youre my BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND, Best friends
boyfriend, What you thinking? Youre my BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND, Best
friends boyfriend, Dont try to tell me its okay, Dont try to make me
play your game., Boy, youre tripping, Youre my BEST FRIENDS
BOYFRIEND, Best friends boyfriend.’ 



Megan watched then gasped a little
‘There’s Robin’ she pointed to him, who was standing right beside the
steps to the stage. 

please have a gun please have a gun

He started walking up them. ‘Are you mental, I don’t
know what to say ,Cause now you got me, got me in the
way, I’m gonna tell her, I got nothing to hide, Hey, I really
hope she figures it out, I hope she won’t take your side.’ Robin
walked up to Sam and Sam looked at him and smiled still singing
‘ Are you kidding? You’re my best friend’s
boyfriend, Best friend’s boyfriend, What you
thinking? You’re my best friend’s boyfriend, Best friend’s
boyfriend, Don’t try to tell me it’s okay, Don’t try to make
me play your game, Boy, you’re tripping, You’re my best
friend’s boyfriend, Best friend’s boyfriend.’ Sam looked at
the drummest who then played the rest of the Song on his laptop. 


‘You put me in a, put me in a situation, Put me in a, put me
in a situation, I never wanted to be part of this
equation, But you put me, in a, put me in a situation, She
ought to know, she can do better, better, So you ought to go cause I
would never, never, I really hope some time this happens to
you, I hope you know that this is now what I do, I hope she
knows that she is way too good, I hope she breaks your
heart , They way I know she should, Cause you’re my best
friend’s boyfriend, Best friend’s boyfriend.’ Sam walked up to
Robin and asked him why he was there. He replied ‘I just couldn’t stay
away from you, I know my parents death wasn’t your fault, I was just
caught off guard when you came here.’ Sam smiled and put her hands on
the back of his neck pulling him into a long kiss when the chorus came


‘Are you kidding? You’re my best friend’s
boyfriend, Best friend’s boyfriend, What you
thinking? You’re my best friend’s boyfriend,Best friend’s
boyfriend, Don’t try to tell me it’s okay, Don’t try to make
me play your game, Boy, you’re tripping, You’re my best
friend’s boyfriend, Best friend’s boyfriend.’ Robin put his hands
around her waist, pulling her closer to him.


same night, she went back to Mount Justice with Robin. She walked in
and everyone made a welcome back party for her.

Meanwhile, the Joker filled preschools around Gotham with Smilex gas. But fuck those toddlers! Sam is back, everybody!

 Everyone welcomed her
back, she was happy to be back and even happier to back with Dick.

And that he’d gotten over that whole dumb “killed his parents” thing.

and everyone had so much to drink, which made it an even better party
for her. 

Because there’s one thing superheroes enjoy more than fighting crime, it’s getting shitfaced and letting crime run rampant to have a party with a 13-year-old!

By about 4 in the morning everyone but Sam had fell asleep
somewhere on the floor. 


Sam saw it and laughed jumping onto the couch,
turning on the TV as morning came.

THE END. For whatever reason. I assume the author got bored and wanted to write another story where she starts out an infant hobo but then teaches herself to sing and becomes a pop star and all the members of all the boybands fall in love with her instead of this. All I know is that honestly, there are few of the sex-filled FFFs that I find as despicably revolting as this horrible self-insert wet dream bullshit. Bleh. It’s sad that I’m going to have to find a story about He-Man shitting in Skeletor’s mouth next week to clear the palate from this story — so to speak — but there it is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to… I don’t know what I need to do. I feel so sad and angry and scared and confused. I don’t think anything can help. Death is the only only obvious answer, but I’m still waiting for GRRM to finish Game of Thrones. I’ll have to think about it. Can I really wait that long when I know that Dick Grayson is even now fawning over the horrible, self-centered lunatic who killed his parents? I don’t know. I just don’t know.