Hilariously Awkward Licensed G.I. Joe Costumes

Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow outfits are easy. Other characters get a little more complicated…

If your kid tells you he wants to look like the Rock for Halloween, this is frankly the worst variation you could possibly get him. From what I’ve seen, Roadblock never has full-on sleeves in the movie – Dwayne shows off his tats every chance he can get – and they provide a stick-on goatee while ignoring the bald head that is Roadblock’s most distinctive feature. I think I get it – they want to make a color-blind Roadblock costume, and ignoring the bald cap means not having to decide what skin tone to have it be. The downside is that a white kid wearing this could easily be mistaken for Channing Tatum’s Duke, and nobody likes him.

But wait! That isn’t the most awful officially licensed Joe outfit available…

Yeah, this would be the “Sassy Cobra” adult costume, which looks like someone took a generic maid outfit and spray-painted an official logo on top. Word to the wise, ladies – if you’re looking to get some All-Hallows action from a Joe fanboy, dress like the Baroness, a ready-made fetish character who already exists in that universe (not that the first movie understood this fact in the slightest).

Now, where’s my Bruce Willis stick-on jowl?