Comics, TV

My Liveblog of 12 Straight Hours of Arrow Season 2

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One week ago, all I knew about Arrow, really, was that you all wanted a spoiler thread for it, I gave you one, and it was popular. Based on the comments I saw, I figured it was a good show. So when I was offered a box set of Season 2, of course I said yes.

Then I realized the fine print – my end of the deal was to review it by Tuesday. And I’d never seen a single episode. Drastic measures would be required here, so I made it my mission this past Saturday to Clockwork Orange this sumbitch. The rules were simple: once I hit play, I could not hit pause or stop; bathroom breaks and food must be obtained during the boring parts. Also, I could not drink till after 5 p.m. I am well aware that I will display my ignorance multiple times – you are still welcome to comment below with “Dumb fuck, you only display your ignorance. I miss Rob,” but it will be mildly redundant.

I made it twelve hours. Here, with only minor edits for coherence, is my running commentary…

It’s 2pm when I start. Cut me some slack – Friday was a tough day that began with me taking my car in for yet more repairs at 8 a.m. And Fridays are long anyway, as I have to program Facebook and Twitter posts for the weekend. Boo hoo, right? I finally pop the disc in, get confused by the menu, and select the wrong episode. Restart

2:05 My laptop reboots for Windows updates

2:10 We kick this off with the special season 1 recap episode made just for the Blu-ray set. A billionaire playboy…oh shit, dad just shot himself in the head. And now a mystic Asian dude (TM) is training him. Bow-fu! Starling City – gotta love DC’s fake names for places.

2:12 Oliver Queen is a whole lot more like Bruce Wayne than I remember. Of course, I can’t say, if pressed, that I ever knew what Green Arrow’s origin actually was. AWWW SHEEEIT sister’s a drug addict now. “You can’t come back here and judge me!” Yeah, he kinda can.

2:14 Damn, he cheated on Laurel with her sister and then li’l sis drowned immediately? That’s like some Friday the 13th shit.

2:15 Red Skull masks? How Marvelous. Wait – is his dad appearing to him as a ghost, or is that just wonky flashback order?

2:17 did he just break a guy’s neck? Why did nobody object to that? Nice shooting of tennis balls – if John McEnroe goes on a rampage, we’re safe now. Narrator: “He would have to become someone else…some…THING…else.” Shatner school of oratory.

2:18 ZIP DRIVE ARROWS! Now that’s how you update a character, guys.

2:19 “No-one knew who the vigilante was.” Because he has a little bit of paint smeared across his eyes?

2:21 Is she REALLY comparing her grieving to his trying to fucking survive on an island for five years?

2:22 A guy named Queen has a bodyguard named Diggle. My inner adolescent find this hilarious.

2:24 “The Island of Lian Yu.” Is Yao Fe related to Lao Che? “Lian Yu” means purgatory? HAHAHAHA Nice Lost dis. So Deathstroke is Kano from the first Mortal Kombat movie?

2:26 Diggle just tells Queen that one of these days he’ll have to be straight with him. Huh huh.

2:27 A guy named Merlyn is a man with a lot of secrets? I’ll be damned.

2:30 “At times he showed compassion.” That’s cool. He sure seems to kill a lot more than most DC heroes.

2:31 Okay, I get that this was non-linear storytelling throughout the season at the time, but for a recap episode, you can’t just do this in chronological order, with all the island stuff first?

2:35 Mom’s a bitch – I can imagine Oliver meeting Bruce Wayne and being all, “Yeah, I wish my parents had been murdered instead of what I got.”

2:36 “The Glades” is an awfully nice name for the shitty part of town.

2:37 News crawls, lighting, plastic wrap – everything in this city is green. So does that mean Oliver picked a green costume to blend in better?

2:41 I know it won’t likely happen, but I really want this Arrow to grow the funny little goatee. I guess that’d be an even bigger giveaway of his identity, though.

2:43 Oliver can keep a secret identity, but he can’t close the curtains when he’s fucking his girlfriend in the window that faces the street?

2:44 “Oliver learned the startling truth about his mother.” He doesn’t seem real bright, given that she tried to shoot him before, and she was pretty obviously, provably evil many times over.

2:47 Wait, is this ACTUALLY the plot of Batman Begins all over again? Damn, I was hoping the bomb would be defused by an arrow, not a wire being pulled. Oh wait, there are two more bombs. And oops, looks like they’re going off.

2:51 And that’s the recap episode, folks. Posting should be more sporadic for the next bunch.

2:55 That was a smooth Tarzan swing to get Felicity off a landmine; not sure it would actually work but it looks pretty sweet. So now they’re back on the island for some reason. Oliver in self-imposed exile because he feels that he failed.

2:58 “Women are a distraction,” says Wilson, just in case we didn’t know he was a bad guy.

3:02 I ask my wife if she thinks Oliver’s good looking. The response: “Ehhhhhhhhh….” She takes one look at the next scene, involving Laurel, goes “Oh…kay,” and leaves the room. And if this were a drinking game “You have failed this city” would be a trigger.

3:04 “The Hoods” are clearly inspired by “The Sons of the Batman” in The Dark Knight Returns. And now we learn Laurel’s dad was demoted from detective to beat cop.

3:05 “I made a mistake when I slept with you.” BURN. And yet I bet they’ll do it again at some point.

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3:09 “Keep in mind I do control your paycheck and your sex life.” Damn, and they’re not even married yet.

3:11 “Oliver Queen! You have failed this city!” Time to drink again. If I were drinking. That comes later. Diet Coke for now.

3:13 Ooh, Oliver’s starting to regret killing people. And doesn’t yet see how he can be a vigilante and not kill people.

3:15 Even the prison is dark green. I can’t even tell if mom’s prisoner outfit is actually black in green light, or just green. HAHA then we seque to a club called “Verdant.” Is Ralph Nader the mayor of this town?

3:18 They took his sister. Now it’s on. And he has a new and improved Arrow-cave. Ooh, Felicity just called a guy “ex-Marine.” Faux pas. Already he’s about to go back on the no-kill thing.

3:24 Took a bathroom break and now Oliver’s trying to save one of the bad guys he just shot with an arrow. Cop: “Typically when I bring in guys you’ve gone after they’re a little more dead.” “I’m trying another way.”

3:25 He understands why he and Laurel can’t be together. So is he finally going to bang Felicity? Laurel now making the point that weird super-shit only happened after Arrow showed up, which is the Batman theme again.

3:27 “I wanna hate you. I really tried to. But I can’t.” Thea just summed up the way fans initially responded to Arrow on the CW.

3:28 “Your last name is now associated with mass murder.” Funny, I thought it was associated with female monarchs, Freddie Mercury-fronted bands and homosexuals.

3:30 Oliver just called Felicity a “good friend.” He friendzoned her. That’s gotta hurt. But since this is a world in which some paint on his eyes totally obscure a guy’s identity, maybe glasses actually do conceal hotness in this universe.

3:31 Whoah. I think Black Canary just showed up for the first time. And she’s a stick-fighter. [UPDATE: Nope. Total red herring.]

3:32 The Green Arrow costume on a silver mannequin kinda looks like Dr. Doom.

3:33 “I don’t wanna be called the hood any more.” “Okay, so what do you wanna be called?” Stares at a green arrow. Title “Arrow” shows up onscreen. Roll end credits. Nice.

3:37 Asian Black Canary? Or just someone who dresses similar? [UPDATE: Yep, the latter] Club music in Starling City is terrible.

3:44 Is health care going to bring back Green Arrow? Arrowcare? “Go back to your mansion, rich boy!” said by an extra with fake dirt on her face.

3:47 “Table Salt” is a great fake name for a hip restaurant.

3:49 This conversation Oliver’s having in the lake with the girl is brutally on-the-nose. But hey, it ends with her being topless from behind.

3:50 Oliver, there’s go tot be a more convenient way to store your super-suit than on a mannequin in a glass case.

3:51 “Your business is GOING UNDER! PERMANENTLY!” Great one-liner, Ollie. Now you face Spawn/Black Dynamite.

3:53 And he got away during the commercial break. And now more speechifying about duality – Diggle says he can’t hate his brother’s killer and love his wife at the same time. Makes sense, yet doesn’t make sense.

3:55 Thea is awfully judgmental towards Roy given that she was a druggie when the show began. I’m waiting for her to accuse him of being overly speedy in the sack.

3:59 Wilson reiterates that women and boners are distractions. This should maybe be a drinking game trigger too.

4:00 I know there’s some explanation for his voice sounding all weird when he’s Arrow, but I wish they’d have explained it in the catch-up episode.

4:02 Ah, charity benefits. Where rich people get together and have a party to fund the kind of people who wouldn’t ever get on the guest list.

4:03 “Crucifixion has such a bad reputation. The Romans used it to punish people who acted against the public good.” Yes, those virtuous Romans who never had problems with poverty, and wound up famously killing the guy who said to love your neighbor and not be violent.

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4:06 “Health care has enough problems without you punks!” Oh yeah, make the black dude say that line.

4:08 Taser arrow! I do enjoy the updated gimmick weapons.

4:11 My wife walks in, sees the island. “Oh HEY! The Hunger Games woods! Oh look, people are dead, or maybe they’re not dead…If that was me, and I found a cave, I’d be like ‘DUDE! IT’S A FUCKING CAVE!”

4:12 “What happened to these people?” My wife: “They DIED! Dumbass.”

4:16 Damn, cliffhanger. Arrow surrounded by SWAT. My wife is asking why this is popular.

4:18 Oh, so THIS is how they’re doing Black Canary. Miniature sonic weapons. But is she copying the Triad chick or what?

4:23 Here comes the Commissioner Gordon/Batman meeting on a rooftop. And the killer they’re after is called the Doll-Maker. Holy shit it didn’t end with Arrow suddenly disappearing. Genuine surprise there.

4:25 “Can we connect the victims?” “Young…pretty” YOU JUST DESCRIBED EVERY SINGLE CAST MEMBER ON THIS SHOW.

4:26 “There’s someone new in town. A woman. She’s targeting men who target women.” Uhhhh…what?

4:27 I feel another bathroom break coming on. So hurry up and do another boring island flashback, show.

4:31 Arrow doesn’t kill, but torture is totally cool, via arrows to the shoulder. These interiors are so green I’m starting to think we’re in the Matrix. Which would explain a lot, come to think of it.

4:40 First extended break as Julia leaves for work and I have to go switch cars with her. I come back to find that my quarterly toys from Mattycollector have arrived, which is cool because this is the first time they’ve come before the on-sale date. When I left off with Arrow, there were giant ’70s-style flashy-light computers. Now Officer Lance is arrested and Ollie’s walking into his mom’s hearing.

4:43 Surprise Death Penalty Announcement! Followed by shit blowing up on the island. Oh hey, my new Flutterina action figure is cool…for a pink butterfly figure aimed at girls. Rio Blast! Aw yeah. Oh wait, Arrow‘s on still. Thea bitching about liquor or something.

4:49 Goth chick nicknames Roy “Abercrombie.” Is he really more Abercrombie-ish than anyone else on this show?

4:51 He’s saying “Son of a bitch” over and over because no other swears are allowed, right?

4:52 This Black Canary is a pole fighter. Because strippers, amirite?

4:56 “Ra’s al Ghul has ordered your return.” AWWWWW SHIT. It’s going down.

4:57 A ship called “Amazo”?

4:59 This is Summer Glau as the bitchy corporate rival, right? [UPDATE: Yes]

5:02 Way to pick a scary nickname, “The Mayor.” This speech he’s giving about how he was nobody before the quake is cribbed almost directly from Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. And damn, that was a bloody kill for network TV.

5:05 How did he get her wig and mask off in one hand motion, when they’d have to be glued on to not fall off in combat? And it’s his drowned girlfriend/Laurel’s sister! Not called Dinah in this version, but Sarah. Close enough, I guess.

5:09 “Secrets have weight. The more you have the harder it is to keep moving.” “You see how hard I work out.” Great comeback, Winston Churchill.

5:17 My new Cyborg Skeletor figure is more compelling right now. But looks like Laurel’s getting a DUI. Or not. Dad’s on her case now, and it turns out he has…dun dun dun…a drinking problem! As such he’s totally intolerant of the slightest alcohol-related nonsense from anyone else.

5:21 Sarah is a better actor than her sister.

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5:22 “I’m here about my daughter…(long pause)…Laurel!” Way to be suspensey.

5:23 “Eet’s Russian for strong!” So he has to pull the bullet out of himself. But surely in Russia, bullet removes you?

5:28 “There are two types of people who go into a crucible” Really? How did this dork ever get elected to anything?

5:30 Damn, people really do get killed a lot on this show. And my mom used to worry about me watching The A-Team.

5:31 It’s after 5. Should I start drinking yet?

5:32 The Mayor’s real name should have been Goldie Wilson. Especially since if he knew where Sarah hung out, he’d be trying to get lightning to hit the clock tower.

5:33 He hit a grenade in the air with an arrow! More of that please.

5:34 Sarah will try to kill you if you say “bitch.” Naturally the CW version of a feminist has massive cleavage showing and a blonde wig. And Ollie just casually drops that the mayor’s in jail, so we know he didn’t die in the last scene. I’m thinking reshoot.

5:36 That baseball cap is actually a mildly better disguise than the Canary mask, Sarah.

5:37 Officer Lance at an AA group, which is a convenient place to shoehorn in some blatant exposition.

5:40 Snap! Pompous Alderman is actually a supervillain with a big latex mask!

5:43 “What would you know about science?” My bet is nobody in this cast knows a whole lot, beyond what’s in the script.

5:47 Time for a cocktail.

5:48 Sarah sees a canary while adrift at sea? LOL. Everyone in this world is so literal about their nicknames.

5:52 “What’s the League of Assassins? And please don’t say it’s a league made up of assassins.”

5:55 I take a moment to clear some comments spam from TR, and now Momma Queen is taking the life in prison plea bargain. I still don’t have my cocktail. Time to fix that.

5:59 When the League of Assassins talks about how great their boss’ plan will be, do they say “Ra’s’ll dazzle ’em”? Because they should.

6:00 Sarah’s topless from behind for a really long time in the background.

6:05 League of Assassins “make the Special Forces look like a kindergarten class.”

6:06 Daddy-daughter reunion. Sarah does crying scenes way better than the dude playing her dad. Now she orders food in Chinese to prove she’s badass.

6:10 This Mark Harmon-looking dude is Professor Anthony Ivo! I guess the ship’s name was a bit of a giveaway.

6:12 Laurel: “What is so wrong with me that everybody leaves?” Ollie: “I will never leave you.” Laurel:”Until you do.” Beeatch, maybe everyone leaves because you have a negative attitude like that.

6:13 Sarah chose as her codename the Arabic word for “canary,” which has like five syllables and I’m not going to try to spell it.

6:14 “Sawwww,,,Thusss is wharrr you wanted your fawthehrrr toe dyee!” What the hell accent is that?

6:15 The window repairmen in Starling City must be the richest guys in town.

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6:19 After realizing her kids will still love her no matter how much of her untold villainy comes out, Moira rejects the plea-bargain.

6:21 Oliver busting out the Russian vodka, straight, no ice. Diggle likes it.

6:22 “The five years that I was gone…I wasn’t always on the island.” Sounds like a big twist, but if he just means on the Amazo boat as well it really isn’t.

6:23 End of disc one. Three more to go and I don’t think I’ll be getting through them all today. Disc 2 autoplays immediately, which is cool.

6:26 Felicity’s little hand-gesture signifying “catfight” is the best moment of acting I’ve seen in this whole thing so far.

6:29 On the CW, even Amanda Waller is hot. And young.

6:32 Between Deathstroke and Deadshot, it’s easy to get confused, no?

6:33 The Japanese were using stem-cells to try to win WWII? This proves God hates stem cell research. Nuclear bombs. Just sayin’.

6:35 Russian B-roll.

6:36 Momma Queen’s lawyer is named Loring? Tie-in to the Atom?

6:37 More Russian B-roll exteriors and soundstage interiors. And Oliver’s Russian contact actually looks like Yakov Smirnoff. Diggle doesn’t want to drink, but Ollie makes him man up. This guy’s Russian accent isn’t great. “We have no word for optimism in Russian.” Is that true? Google says it’s “????????,” or in our alphabet, “optimizm.”

6:41 Cocktail #2 coming up. Nice matte painting of St. Basil’s Cathedral at the back of that alley set.

6:46 “In Russia, there is gulag almost as bad as this.” Worst Yakov Smirnoff joke ever.

6:49 Why do I buy Julia the macho-size Del Taco drink when she only drinks ? of it? More for me, I guess. Been sitting all day and my calfs are numb.

6:50 Deadshot!

6:51 Oliver friendzones Felicity again, and she’s not even in the room!

6:52 “I was raised in Russia till I was 9.” Careful – that sounds like a villain’s origin story. Love how she promises to be quick in the sack.

6:54 Felicity is visibly upset that he fucked another woman. He seems to even be aware of this. Gonna keep up the friendzone forever? “What happens in Russia stays in Russia.” Maybe if you’re a dude. If women act that way, in Russia what happens stays in you!

6:58 “Johnny – you came for me!” “Always have, always will.” Methinks “came” has multiple meanings here.

7:00 Pissbreak. Man, I like my beard. Too bad my wife hates it and it has to go. I should start cooking #randomthoughts. How do I peel potatoes and keep watching? Big bowl must be found.

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7:15 Still peeling potatoes, but…casual drop of Star Labs? Were they foreshadowing Flash already?

7:23 Crockpot cooking. New villain of the week sounds like Mark Hamill Joker. And Moira’s attorney IS Jean Loring? So…they make Amanda Waller young and hot, but Jean Loring is old and character-faced? That’s…different.

7:25 Roy is teaching Thea boxing. He needs to be teaching Oliver how to put those gloves on an arrow. Lets her hit him a lot. My mother used to call this “co-counseling” and paid money for it.

7:27 “Not for long” should also be a drinking game trigger. Bottoms up.

7:30 Boy oh boy, he sure did make good use of propane and propane accesor-ehs, Ahtellyawhut.

7:36 I stopped paying attention. Need to refocus. Mmmmm, whiskey and cola..

7:39 Does EVERYBODY know Queen is Arrow? If this nutcase Mark Hamill ripoff figured it out, shouldn’t everyone? “Quiet please, I’m threatening” is a good line. AND DAMN he killed that dude with arrows! For Felicity! He better not keep friendzoning her after this.

7:42 Moira is found not guilty, which is happy for the story but makes ZERO sense given what we saw of the trial.

7:44 KISS HER ALREADY! No. Jeez, friendzoning again. I must say I respect this show for having a woman constantly friendzoned, which is a nice role-reversal even if I want her to get some.

7:48 Merlyn’s back, and he bribed the jury! Good twist. And Thea is his daughter! Well, the acting is soap-opera level, so the plot twists should be too.

7:54 “I’m Barry Allen.” I’m impressed – this totally good-looking, in-shape guy is doing a decent job persuading me he’s a nerd.

7:55 “What did you say your name was again?” “Barry…Allen.” ICYMI. Romantic tension between Felicty and the Flash-to-be?

7:56 Now I see. The healing mud on half of Wilson’s face inspires his mask later. They are so damn literal on this show.

7:57 Oliver admits to island-girlfriend Shadow that he was fucking his girlfriend’s sister. Drama!

7:58 Barry reminds us he’s CSI. Felicity laughs at his jokes. Oliver acts weirdly jealous. Since Flash will eventually end up with Iris, will this make Oliver get with Felicity quicker?

8:01 Felicity: “Maybe he thinks that he penetrates just fine.” He thinks that. But Felicity, we all know he’s doing it wrong.

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8:05 Barry Allen’s hair is too nice for his being such a dork.

8:10 “I was thinking you would make a really good plus one.” Great pick-up line. “I’m just not too good on my feet.” GET IT BECAUSE HE’S THE FLASH.

8:13 Barry says believes him that a blur with a guy inside it framed his dad, and that’s why he takes on weird cases. “Better find another plus-one.” Oliver: “He did lie about who he was.” Felicity: “And what do we do every day?” Harsh, but Felicity, you aren’t getting the dude meant to end up with Iris. Ohhhh, she took off the glasses and put on a red dress. Now people will know she’s hot. Time to compete, Ollie. Oh wait – he’s turning her over to Barry! Great wingman. Wow. And now Summer’s back to bang Oliver again. Presumably.

8:21 Here is where we write Barry Allen out until he gets his own spinoff. And he never even kissed her.

8:24 Oliver injects Wilson with super-serum to save him. Something tells me he’ll regret that.

8:25 ARROW TO THE KNEE! I was waiting this whole time to see that. Roy got the Skyrim treatment bad.

8:27 Jeebus it has taken me this long to figure out that Malcolm Merlyn is Captain Jack Harkness. I fail at (nerd) life.

8:30 Barry Allen is late for the last train! It’s ironic that he’s NEVER ON TIME! And he wakes up in the Arrow-cave!

8:34 Let’s save him with rat poison!

8:37 “What happened to him?” He TOOK AN ARROW TO THE KNEE, OLLIE!

8:40 Is Shadow a ghost of his mind, or really here?

8:44 “Why no mask?” ask Barry. Good question Ollie wants one that conforms perfectly to his face and doesn’t affect his aim. Barry says something about polymer microfiber. I dunno; it’s hard to type that fast. I’m thinking this article probably sucks by now but I’ma keep on keeping on.

8:49 That solves the Shadow ghost question. Oliver had a Sophie’s Choice to make.

8:59 Realized I forgot some veggies in the crockpot. Zucchini and tomatoes chopped. Now maybe I’ll stop typing and so now I take this in while giving full attention.

9:08 Slade Wilson in a suit…and with an eyepatch, which can’t possibly make Deadshot and Deathstroke easier to confuse.

9:12 Barry Allen tells Felicity that if she ever wants to date him, he’ll be on time. Because his future wasn’t forecast enough yet. Oh wait…it’s a freak storm and you start pulling on chains like Frankenstein? And then lightning hits you? Bad idea, but the result will work, of course.

9:14 Oliver gets a mask attached with an elastic strap? Okay, but y’all realize Hollis Mason debunked that in Under the Hood

9:17 Felicity wants to spend a few more days with Barry? I guess we know how the crossover will go.

9:20 Okay, is “mirakru” seriously Japanese for “miracle”? Google says it’s “Kiseki.”

9:22 You have a friend named “Sebastian Blood”? Does it occur to you that might not bode well?

9:28 Life hack: If you want your kid to not turn out evil, don’t name him “Cyrus.”

9:29 Mmmm. Leftover burrito.

9:32 I hate when I’m making out with a chick and a giant shard of glass stabs me in the arm.

9:41 Sorry, but in real life a dude named “Blood” will never be elected mayor. Though I guess we did say that about a presidential candidate with the middle name “Hussein,” so…

9:50 Speedy is Wolverine?

9:52 Oliver: “You’re not my employee – you’re my partner.” And he friendzones AGAIN. Ladies, if you’re watching this, you now know how much men hate it.

9:54 Sebastian Blood’s aunt is a lunatic? Color me unsurprised. “SEBASTIAN IS THE DEVIL!” Okay, that’s unsubtle. “He killed his father…and I was there.” “Oh my god…Sebastian isn’t your nephew…HE’S YOUR SON!” This is some major soap opera stuff. “You can’t trust Sebastian Blood.” No shit. That name alone clued me into that.

10:08 “His last name’s Blood; that can’t be a good sign.” THANK YOU FELICITY. JEEZ.

10:15 When I was growing up, English TV ads riffed on Oliver Twist with ad where kid says “Please sir, can I have some more cheese?” I feel like for this Oliver Queen; that’s not a bad question to ask.

10:25 “I know you think this ship rescued you, when you were stranded at sea. The truth is you rescued me.” Seabiscuit and Radio feel your pain. And in Russia, castaway rescues you!

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10:32 TWIST! Evil villain dude unmasked and this time it’s NOT Sebastian Blood.

10:37 Deathstroke busts out the metal Terminator mask!

10:39 Disc 2 ends. #3 on deck. Just lemme refill my drink first.

10:44 Black Dynamite is back? Yeeeeah. And his cell mate cut himself open to reveal weapons buried under the skin. Nice.

10:46 All this viewing and I only just saw Colin Salmon’s name in the credits. I figured it was him as stepdad Queen. Good to see him getting work.

10:47 “Love’s the most powerful emotion. And that makes it the most dangerous.” Thank you, Captain Sarah Obvious.

10:55 Laurel’s dad is a huge dick. Asks his daughter for dinner, then fakes her out and brings her to an AA meeting. That won’t piss anybody off or anything.

10:59 Interesting dynamic – Oliver doesn’t have super powers, but Roy does.

11:07 Have I really been live-blogging this for like nine hours?

Time to sit back a bit.

11:09 Did Laurel really just ask for a drink primarily based on its olive content? Who does that?

11:12 “I processed my way through a pint of mint chip.” Oh Felicity. You need better taste in flavors. Did you pick that one just because it’s green?

11:17 Suicide Squad! And Black Dynamite is the first member? I can see that.

11:21 Wait…NON-Talia is claiming to be the daughter of RAYSH al Ghul, after everyone so far has said “RAHS”?

11:35 “I was with you because I loved you” Lesbians? Dang. Call in George Bush.

11:36 Nice hammer banging, Oliver. Hammer time.

11:37 “They found traces of snake venom in her blood” #shityouonlyhearonTVshows

11:53 I’m now cooking cup noodles. La la la la la…

11:54 Is this seriously the only person in the League who was given the “RAYSH al ghul” pronunciation?

11:58 I go to make cup noodles and it seems Laurel and Sarah have a less than favorable reunion

12:01 Oliver makes out with Sarah. Okay, but..how long to get to Felicity?

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12:06 Damn., Thought that was Felicity stick-fighting in very few clothes. But just Sarah.

12:14 Officer Lance doesn’t recognize his own daughter in a wig and a mask?

12:16 “I sense a butt coming” Good line, Laurel.

12:20 “Clock King.” Wait, what?

12:21 Whoa whoa whoa. Did they SERIOUSLY just name-check McGregor’s Syndrome from Batman and Robin? “TAKE TWO OFF DEEZ…END KAWL ME IN DA MAWNING!”

12:24 There goes the Arrow-cave. ‘Splosions!

12:28 Quentin Lance’s ex-wife has a new dude in Central City. Spin-off builds more!

12:31 “I’m done caring.” No you’re not, Ollie.

12:36 Felicity in underwear as she gets fixed up. Yep yep. Straight male viewers rejoice.

12:44 “Oliver, I’d like you to meet Slade Wilson.” BOOM!

12:47 “Authentic Australian Rum”? Is that even a thing?

12:58 He had a green arrow hood on the island? That would seem to kind of detract from the regular outfit.

1:01 For a guy stranded on an island, Oliver’s hair is really quite awesome,.

1:05 “Jonas” is his middle name! That might be funny if we still cared about the Jonas brothers.

1:09 Just strikes me as funny that Wade Wilson, the comedy ripoff of Slade Wilson, has more heat for a movie.

1:18 Slade Wilson threatens everyone on the ship after twisting a guy’s neck, even though they could all riddle him with machine-gun shots? Okay, whatever.

1:26 CGI pan inside Slade’s open eye socket! Yes! Totally fake but okay.

1:39 Suicide Squad! Good name-drop, but really? With no big names?

1:41 Deadshit and Black Dynamite were in Suicide Squad? Okay, that’s not bad.

1:55 “Deadshot’s on target.” Aw shit. He finds the secret entrance.

1:56 Arrow is being a whiny wuss.

1:57 “I’m not that easy to kill.” Also, really nice butt. Sorry, but it is, Sarah.

1:58 Waller and Summer Glau are allies? With Diggle? “Everyone here is dead inside of 10 minutes.”

2:00 Evil Muslims get stabbed! Why am I not surprised?

2:01 Deadshot being a dick – no surprise there either.

2:08 Amanda knows who Ollie is! Drama! “We’ve been calling him…Deathstroke.” Yeah. No clue he’s Wilson, genius. But we all know it.

How is this disc still going?

2:19 “For the record, don’t call me Speedy.” “Noted.”

2:24 “Oh, I think if the Huntress shows up you should totally kick her ass.” I agree.

2:30 Losing consciousness. I’m tired of being up this long.

2:36 “Simple trade: my father for Laurel.” “GUYS! We need more vodka!”

2:47 Wife back from work. And here is where it ends. I must do chores now.

FINAL TAKE: With all I’d heard about Arrow, I was honestly hoping for better. This is not a must-watch show for me like Doctor Who or The Walking Dead. That said, it’s better than what I feared when I first heard the show announced. Funnily enough, I’d probably have more difficulty watching something artful like Berlin Alexanderplatz for this long – Arrow does not require the same level of engagement. It is basically a soap opera, hooking you with promises of that next twist, that next hook-up, that next surprise return from the dead, and of course ample characters with eyepatches. There is a skill to that, and I don’t deny it.

Honestly, though, I think our standards have been so lowered by DC that anything which isn’t a huge fuck-up containing beats that are untrue to the character is now a hit by default. My wife is right that the acting on this show really isn’t good – it’s broad and stilted in a way that works for what it is, but it will never win Emmys for the performances. Like other CW shows, it is about hot people pouting.

There’s nothing wrong with cheese, or even nacho cheese. I love me some Taco Bell nachos. But I can’t pretend they’re Camembert.

About Author

Luke Y. Thompson has been writing professionally about movies and pop-culture since 1999, and has also been an actor in some extremely cheap culty and horror movies you will probably never hear much about (he is nonetheless mostly proud of them, as he met his wife on one). As editor of The Robot's Voice since 2012, he can take the blame for the majority of the site's content, all of which he creates because he loves you very, very much. (Although he loves nachos more. Sorry.) Prior to TRV, Luke wrote for publications that include the New Times LA, Los Angeles CityBeat, E! Online, OC Weekly, Geekweek, GeekChicDaily, The L.A. Times, The Village Voice, LA Weekly, and Nerdist