Place Astro Boy Movie Directly in Trash Bin

I don’t have the same protective feelings of Astro Boy as I do for Robotech, but I have to admit a fondness for good-natured boys who wear nothing but short shorts. And, uh, have powers. That came out all wrong. Anyways, I was hoping for the best for the U.S.-made, CG Astro Boy movie, although I was expecting the worst. And yet, somehow, I am still upset to find that they’ve hired Nic Cage to do a voice for the movie. Ahem.

I’m one of those guys who think Nic Cage can be as great as he can be awful; there’s Adaptation and Raising Arizona on one side, and The Wicker Man and National Treasure on the other. But who the fuck casts Nicolas Cage for his voice? Who would ever choose to listen to Cage’s nasally slacker-whine on purpose? Even Disney never hired Cage for their movies, and they hired both Gilbert Gottfried and Bobcat Goldthwait.

Cage joins Donald Sutherland (whose involvement means nothing to me), Bill Nighy (which is probably good), and Nathan Lane and Eugene Levy, which indicates that the filmmakers will be taking a huge shit over the beloved Japanese franchise. ANN says the Astro script was written by the guy who did Space Jam, which I think I knew and blocked out because it’s hard to stay sober when I think about it. Osamu Tezuka must be spinning around in his cremation urn.