Worst Single Issue Comic: And the Winner Is…

Let me come right out and admit — this is the toughest TR contest I’ve ever had to judge. There are so many terrible, terrible comics out there, and a few of them were even written by people other than Jeph Loeb. I was hoping by making it “single issue” only, I’d be narrowing down the potential winners, but no, not really. Batman teaming up with Joe Chill and using the gun that killed his parents? Superman killing Dracula because his blood is full of “sun”? Spider-man outwitted by mass transit? Darth Vader turning into a jewel thief? These are all profoundly stupid ideas, and that’s not even mentioning the many, many PSA comics (or Loeb tales).

So most of the entries deserve second place, including but not limited to the following: Chris, Zortt1, Neal Snow, y2jbrak, Jason, edgreen86, “Starman” Matt Morrison, asat, Brion, Carlos Adama, DW, de12, Heavy D, Golem, Oddkin, Marsten, ManwithPez, Rocky City Warrior, Stain, Mermista, and more. To steal a line would be to miss out on some epic tales of comic book awfulness, so if you missed ’em, just go read them here.

As for the winner, it’s AzureBlaze for Sonic Live. Because why there may be comics with stupider stories and with less grasp of tyheir characters, I think Sonic Live still earns the title of purely worst. As AzureBlaze explains:

Yes, Sonic the Hedgehog had/still has two comic books monthly, but way
back in the day something terrible happened. On an ego trip EVEN
GREATER than that of McFarlane (above) one of the editors of the book
decided to do a (well its not a self-insertion..but) book with HIS OWN
KIDS as the stars. Yeah he took like some photos and then drew Sonic in
the background for something like the worlds’ ugliest mary-sue fanfic.

As you can see, she’s quite right. But that’s not all. As you can see in the upper left of the pic, either no one at Archie had a Sega Genesis (despite them putting out several Sonic comics at the time), or the dude was so lazy he didn’t bother to include on. Look closely, and you can tell the kid IS HOLDING A TV REMOTE CONTROL SIDEWAYS LIKE A GAME CONTROLLER. There’s not even a Sonic screenshot on the damn TV.

More impressively, I learned that rather than try to explain that Sonic was created by a Japanese man named Yuji Naka, the comic reported that the blue hedgehog was made by two named Jerry and Mori. Why? Because American kids are too stupid to possibly understand that people of than in America create things? Because Japanese people are baffling and frightening to the Archie editor’s clearly learning-challenged children? Because the editor’s father was killed in Iwo Jima, and he’s always resented them? No idea.

If you disagree with my choice, I dont blame you, since there were some seriously stellar entries. But I still guess that Sonic Live will be the only comic book they’re likely to give me when I end up in hell.