?If you’ve been following any of the details that’ve been leaking about the new David E. Kelley Wonder Woman TV series, you may have noticed that Wonder Woman’s secret identity will be a rich CEO, which is a big step up from…whatever the hell it is that Wonder Woman usually does.
Figuring out how Wonder Woman pays the bills has always been a little confusing. Unlike Superman and Batman, she never attended school in “man’s world”, let along college or even getting an GED. And say what you want about the Amazonian school system, but a childhood spent learning to deflect arrows with bracelets doesn’t really prepare you for today’s competitive job market. And while she had a few high points (like working as an astronaut for a couple issues), she also been stuck in some less-than stellar jobs over the years. Here are the worst.
6) Identity Thieving Army Nurse
?Ever wonder where the identity of Diana Prince came from? Well, Wonder Woman kind of borrowed it… along with a job she wasn’t remotely qualified for. You see, back in Sensation Comics #1, Wonder Woman met Lt. Diana Prince, an Army nurse who was freaked out that her fianc? had just been transferred to California. And since she looked just like Wonder Woman, the obvious decision was for Wonder Woman to bribe her to take over her identity and nursing job, because there’s no way having absolutely no medical experience would be a problem when you’re treating wounded soldiers. Oh, and did we mention that she wanted to be at the hospital so she could stay close to injured pilot Steve Trevor? So, not only did she potentially kill soldiers with her inexperience, but she did it to stalk a guy. It’s a wonder she was ever hired for anything else.
5) Army Secretary
?After her mercifully short stint as a creepy nurse, Wondy joined up with the army… but not in any type of I-could-really-use-my-superhuman-skills-to-fight-Nazis
warfront position. Nope, she was a secretary to a Washington colonel, because… you guessed it, she wanted to stay close to Steve Trevor (she did realize there were other men, right?). So, the most powerful woman in the world spent her nine to fives taking dictation from an old man who probably made sexist remarks about her as she made him coffee (it was the ’40s after all).
4) Costumed Secretary
?Now, Wonder Woman didn’t just accept menial jobs in her secret identity. You see,
when she tried to join the premier (and only) super group of the day, The Justice Society of America, the boys club weren’t having none of it. So, despite the fact that she could lick just about all of them, they refused her membership and only offered her a a secretary job. And instead of simply beating them into submission, she happily accepted and it was years before she became a full member. Sure it was a different time and all, but it’s starting to sound like she kinda brought this on herself. Oh, and just for kicks, here’s two panels from later the same issue:
?Yep, the JSA left her at home while they went off to fight WWII. Hey, who would be there to fix the martinis when they got home if she didn’t?
3) Mod Boutique Owner
?Back in the ’60s, DC decided to make Wonder Woman more relatable by removing her powers, training her in judo and having her wander the Earth as some sort of Emma Peel knock-off. But to pay the bills, they decided that she should get away from traditional “women’s jobs” like nurse or secretary and do something empowering… like making dresses. Yep, she opened up “Di’s Mod Boutique” and sold pretty frocks to ladies, including Supergirl’s weird ’70s thigh-high boots outfit. The only good thing we can say about it was that at least she wasn’t doing it to impress Steve Trevor.
2) Broadway Shooting Target
?When Wonder Woman first landed in America, there just weren’t many jobs for an Amazon princess wearing a skimpy U.S.-themed costume. Luckily, sleazy promoter Al Kane showed up to put her on the stage in a show called “bullets and bracelets,” which apparently consisted of having a theater usher shoot at her for several hours. Now, I don’t care how many fancy backdrops were behind it, that’s a pretty boring show. She must’ve agreed, because she quit the moment Steve Trevor woke up from a coma. Man, she gave up show business for him? And of course, by “show business” we mean almost getting shot in the face.
1) Taco Stand Waitress
?Back in Wonder Woman volume 2 Issue 73, Wonder Woman had some problems. Her home island of Themyscira was gone, she had no money and she couldn’t find a job (although the fact that she kept going to job interviews wearing her tiara probably didn’t help). So, she took the only job she could find and worked the counter at the local Taco Whiz franchise. She only stayed there for one issue before she ditched it and got work as a private eye, which was infinitely cooler than getting repeatedly burped at by customers.