?I don’t know if you guys needed this, but I sure did.
Wolverine abandoned the X men. He couldn’t manage to stay side by
side with Jean Gray, because his love for hear was enormous, and no one
would understand the marriage of a beast and a psyonic lady.
Which was extremely depressing for Beast, I imagine.
parted ways. He didn’t even said to Xavier he was going. He just gone. But
many days passed, and he, the brutal warrior he was, can’t find a job
because of his muscles.
Uh-huh. “You’re not giving me the job because I’m Canadian, aren’t you?” “No, no, not at all. It’s, uh… your muscles. You’re simply too strong to work here at Arby’s.”
The only job he could find was of a waste
collector. So he jumped on the truck and started to collect garbage
Better “garbage houses” than Pok?mon cards, I guess.
It was a hard job, because of toxic waste and broken bottles,
but he managed to work a lot, and the profit was not bad because he did
“I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do doesn’t smell very nice.”
Apart from the job, he was only thinking in Jean. He
misses her so much, he didn’t said goddbye. “Good by Jean” he wanted to
say, but he was a coward. So, one day, Logan was on the Garbage Truck
when he collected some trsh, but something was strange. A body was
moving inside the trash sack, so Logan oppened it and found…a BODY! It
was Kitty Pride, completely nude and covered in shit and banana peels!
Who threw away Kitty Pryde? And more importantly, WHO’S BEEN THROWING AWAY PERFECTLY GOOD SHIT?! This question and more will not be answered after the jump!
“Oh My God! KITTY!” Logon held her with so much fury and disdan. Who
could do such a dispicable act? Wolverine got angry, and decided to
swallow his pride and takew Kitty to Xavier’s house.
“I’m sorry Xavier, if I hadn’t parted, this could not have happen!”
it all your fault! Why such a strong and capable warrior cannot take
care of his woman? Now Kitty has been made a whore to these ants!”
Kitty Pryde: ANT WHORE
lowered his head in discommodity. Kitty was stinking dog’s turd and
j]her mouth was full of ants.
ANT PIMPS, YOU MEAN
But he could only think about Jean. Jean
could forgive him. So he went to talk to her.
“Hey, Kitty? I’m going talk to Jean for a minute. Just keep lying there in the foyer covered in shit and ants, if you don’t mind.”
“Jean, I’m sorry, this is all my fault!”
Logan, you are a cowar! How could you abandon us? You said you never
abandon me, never let me down. Now Scott is taking care of my life and
making me had sex with him…look what you have done! I hate you! I hate
you with all of my hearth”
amd she turned her head away from Logan.
Logan’s fury got bigger, because a beast cannot confront his inner
turmoils. If the wolf looks at the eyes of a man, it can’t turn away the
sorrow of his puerile desires.
I swear I don’t have the faintest clue what that last sentence means, but I’m seriously thinking of having it tattooed on my stomach.
So Logan went away to medicate.
Butt Storm appeared.
“Logan, you did wrong, now your sins are going to search your entire life”
“Storm, you are the only one that can help me recover. I feel my heart faniting and succumbing to master beast of delusion”
pain Logan, a woman is the way the feral claws of insanity would never
emerge from your soul. Take my hand and lets pull the answers from your
mouth” so Storm took Logan to the danger room. There she programed a
bed, and tables to put wine and cheese.
Sex in the danger room? What could possibly go wrong?
“Logan, lay down.” and Logan laid. The digital bed was conforting, like the days he did sleep on the fluffy grass of the jungle.
Storm said, “close your eyes and you will repent your sins.” so Logan
closed and he felt, the passion of her hand walking thru his nude and
hairy torso. Her ebony hand was soft and cottony, covering him with the
purest lust of a carnality ridden woman. She knew Logan was fragille, so
she went slower. Logan almost feel a similar feeling, but he did forgot
to mention that.
When I die and go to hell, my punishment may very well be to diagram ComicsNix’s sentences. Well, try to, anyways.
Storm nails started to screch Logan’s nipples.
He felt a delicious shill go up his spine and go down agian. It was like
an electric bolt, going up and down, up and down, till the charge
becomes neutral. But Logan’s charge never went neutral. He was a man of
action, a man of insense passion, so his baterries were always topped at
maximum speed. Storm knew that, and started to go faster and harder,
disrotting Logan’s skin from his muscles.
Ah, I forgot: ComicsNix’s sex scenes are infinitely more dangerous than the danger room could ever be.
“AHHH, Strom, you are ripping me part!”
“No Logan, I’1m purifying your shame, taking appart the lustful entities dwelling at your mind”
“My nipples are lustful entities?”
Logan got a boner, because Storm was hot, so he grabbed her boobs.
Well, that just makes good sense.
But she slapped him. “No…no…no…no.
My man, you will follow my orders. Be a dog of eroticism!” and Logan
knew the bad was happening.
What was your first clue, Logan? When she started electrocuting your nipples so hard they began to come off?
In a moment, the day got cloudy and started
to rain. Stom’s eyes turned blue, and she invoke the power of times:
“My furious weather, bring me jolt!” and lightining bolt from the sky striked at Logan’s penis.
I think we’ve actually wandered into a Garth Ennis Wolverine script, actually.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, you are toasting my dick you shit wirch!” but Storm was in control ,so she invoke another storm.
MMM!” and the thunder stroke on Logan’s penis again. His dick got
hardder and his lust went to insane levels of passion. He couldn’t stand
this. So Logan grabbed Storm neck and force her lips against his own.
Logan kisses her with his most tracherous feeling, but was not being
Maybe Logan should use more tongue and less trachea.
Storm spit globs of despise in his mouth. “You bitch!”
shout Logan while her body made full contact with his. Logan connected
his penis with her vagina and started to make out with Storm’s vagina
was hairy like a dog’s ass, so Logan’s penis got cut with it while
trying to fuck her.
Some patches of the meat from hiis penis got
amputated, but his lustful passion was more intense than the anguish, so
Logan made a a full inside penetration, even with half a penis.
“I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is HOLY SHIT WHERE’D THE OTHER HALF OF MY PENIS GO”
after some entering and coming out, all while spilling blood at Storm’s
face, Logan got hold of Storm’s hand and commanded to the weather:
Mighty weather, strike me down a powerful bolt of glorious!” and a
thunder went down from the sky, hittin Storm’s ass , crossing her thight
and hitting Logan’s penis.
Okay, all kidding aside, I really, truly want Marvel to adopt the idea that if you grab a mutant’s head you can make them use their power. All the Marvel mutants would turn into walking power-ups, and it would be awesome.
Now Strom screams: “NOOOOO! My ass in
lightinig fire!” and Storm ass is covered with flames and small
sparkles. Logan got so boned that the last bolt made him ejaculate
inside the now melted in blood Storm’s vagina. Her bones got melted too,
and she felt on the ground making a splash. Her belly was turned up and
she tryied to move. But her organs started to get expeeled from her
body, because her ass got separated from her torso, getting Storm
divided in two parts. Her heart got put out and blood covered the
To recap: Storm shot Wolverine in the dick with lightning twice, then Logan fucked Storm so hard her pevis and vagina liquefied. Also Wolverine fucked Storm in half to the point where her goddamn heart just fell out of her torso. I just wanted to make sure this was abundantly clear to everybody.
“Lo…gan…you…you killed…your master…”
got confused. He went to Storm, feeling disgusted and ashamed, because
his ineer demon took over again, and was responsible for all of that.
“Oh shit, Storm. My bad. Can I get you anything? Some bactine, maybe? A band-aid?”
Storm…don’t die!” and Logan hugged her severed upper body. But, like
it was a devil vursed magic, Storm’s body got
transformed…transformed…into Professor Xavier!
“Wait a second! If this isn’t a puddle of Storm’s vagina, then what did I fuc — oh, shit.”
Logan let loose Xavier body and utterd:
“My God? Xavier? This cannot be!”
And a strange shadow appeared in the room, laughing maniacally and sneering:
“Oh NO! Jean Grey!”
Meanwhile, Kitty Pride is still back in the foyer, giving tiny little handjobs to ants for her ant pimps.
was Jreean Grey, the woman Wolverine let alone with his most greatest
enemy. She got fiery eyes and globs of spit flowing form her hideous
“Is this something you did Jran?”
“HAHAHAH, yes Logan and all your fault. If you had not left me alone. No ome of these people would have died in vain!”
Call me crazy, but I think Jean might have some abandonment issues.
covered his face and cried. The woman his entire live was dedicated to
is destroying the dreams of all thoes inocent people.
“But, if this is professor Xavier, where’s Storm?” begged for an answer Wolverine.
ate her, so her feelings, her passion is now imbued in my mind. Even
you couldn’t discover my illusion with Xavier! Now, I’m the most
powerful mutant in the universe!”
When Jean Grey eating Storm is the most normal thing in the story, you know you’re reading ComicsNix.
So Jean grabbed Logan’s neck
with her mnetal powers. He got pulled from the ground and the adamantium
in his neck snaped and a fracture opened. Now, a fatal bleedind is
incurring inside his own body. If Jean continues to treat him like that,
death certainly occurs.
But what Jean was not counting was that
Kitty Pride was not dead. The intangible girl sneaked behind Jean and
with a fast jump, entered Jean’s womb.
Jera’ felt, and it was a bad
“What? Someone trying to foll me? No bitch can’t fuck
my red ass!” and Jean with her mental barrage started to strangle
First nerd girl who sends me a cross-stitch of “No bitch can’t fuck
my red ass!” gets a TR shirt. The frillier-looking the better.
But that was a mistake, because Kitty lost grasp of her
power, and the inevtable happened. Kitty materialized again, inside
Kitty massive body made a strong pressure inside, and Jean
vaginal muscles couldn’t withstand the girls growing inside her. Jean’s
womb got colapsed in half, dislodging Kitty out of it in a overafall of
blood. The bones from Jean’s spines perforated her belly exposing her
shit filled bowels.
Jean, that was flying that moment, fell on the
ground. The impact smashed Jean femur bones, and the shrapnels were so
fast they smited Kitty’s Pried eyeballs.
and she got blind. A buzz occured in her inner ears. Kitty didn’t knew,
but a bone shreapnel entered her brain, hitting the broca area. Now,
she is losing control of her bowel movemets and is shitting all over the
ground, all while ruinning around waving her hands over her head
seeking cover and deliverance.
Incidentally, the Broca area is a real area of the brain. Before you get
too excited that ComicsNix knew both the area and how to spell it, I
should inform you that it’s more or less the language center of the brain, not the center of involuntarily shitting yourself.
Logan went catatonic. That was too
much for him.
I completely understand.
To withstand, there is no more hope for that shell of man
that bleeds on the ground. His mutant healing power tried to heal the
bones fracture, but the spine in hios neck was so dislodged that an
accumulation of calcium happened, inflatting his necks skin with so much
forming bone. The malformig was so cancerous it spread all over his
body, covering Logan with bone tissue. This immobilized him, forming a
crust around. He was like a seashell, but only the opening for his neck
existed. All around was covered.
I was all right with Logan fucking Storm’s vagina into a liquid state, but this is where I draw the line. And if there’s a seashell that looks like a crust-covered Hugh Jackman but with a bleeding neck wound, never ever show it to me.
Jean was agonizing on the groung.
But Wolverine, inside his beast filled rage, coulkdn’t let that woman
die, not without making a baby first.
Oh, ComicsNix. I don’t know what I love more, your commitment to your themes or your inability to remember that you destroyed Jean Grey’s womb and uterus not 250 words ago.
So Lagan threw his body over Jean.
Logan’s penis pressure perforated the bone covering his body, and
penetrated with his penis inside her stomch, because bellow that area
only grinded putrid meat was left. So the fast movements began.
Ah! ComicsNix did remember, and had an answer! An insane answer, but an answer none the less. Hey, if babies can be taken out of stomachs, shouldn’t that mean they could be put in there, too? I mean, it just stands to reason. Honestly, it’s hardly the stupidest thing fan fic writers said about the female reproductive system.
was so excitted he started to grabb Jean’s boobs, and they were
lactating, but with BLOOD!
So Logan put his mouth on her nipples and
started to suck all blood from it. This cause a deflation on Jean’s
breasts, because blood was being drained by the beast man.
to bite the breaest and eat it.
He was so fast, after some minutes only
holes covered with ruined muscles were left at Jean’s chest. But not
ofr long. The holes started to get filled with her pus infected blood,
forming two pools of disgusting maggots were her breasts were.
has felling it coming, the ejaculation was just beggining…and he
spilled loads and loads of cum inside Jean’s pulsating vein ladden
stomach. But that turned out a bad idead,
because the gasttric acids
started to form and twirl inside her because of the irritation. The
gastric juices started to enter Logan’s penis thru his pissing hole,
filling his blader with consuming mortalizing liquid. Logan burned
inside and his lower body started to melt too. Logan’s nuts turned
inside out and exploded.
I’m… I’m in awe.
Kitty were lokking at all that
Well, after all, they are the Astonishing X-Men! (Sorry.)
She never had any excitement or adventure in her life,
but that horrible vision of a slaughtered couple was something someone
can’t undervaluate. So she started to masturbate her clitoris with her
fingernails and hands. But it was covered with shit, so she spread dung
all over it and therefore, shit entered her vulva. The shit had some
grains. It was because she ate whole beans and they couldn’t get
digested in it entirety.
Wait a second. Kitty has Jean’s femur bones in her eyes. She can’t see. BECAUSE THAT’S THE PROBLEM HERE. IT’S THAT KITTY IS SEEING SOMETHING WHICH THE AUTHOR HAS PREVIOUSLY INDICATED SHE SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO SEE. Not the part where Kitty is masturbating herself with her shit-stained hands.
Kitty was so lustful she need to
participate at Logan’s and Jean’s party. So she went there, picked some
Jean’s blood that was on the ground and put on her vagina too, mixing
with the turd. Kitty Pride was open to new experiences,
and she tried
every possible movemet on her vagina. Butt her hands were not satisfying
anymore. She need something more consistent. She looked around and saw
Xavier’s dying body. He had no salvation, so Kitty went here and picked
seven inches from his spinal chord, making for her self a penis made of
bones. It was the perfect dong.
The vertebrae covered on the verteblal
column, when entering the vagina, make it tremble and shake, like a
vibrator, but it don’t need electricity.
So Kitty went with the
spine fucking, goind in and out with hjer sex toy, but that was a
dangerous play. She was awkawrd, and after some movements, she reached
multiple orgasms, ones she never had any with Kurt, that little bastard.
But that was the last one. She, in her glory moment, drilled her liver
with Xavier’s spine.
She coughed blood and her eyes started to cry. She
was hearing a funeral march in her brains:
“Noo…I don’t want to die!”
“I just learned how awesome it is to masturbate with a spinal column while covered in blood and shit forever! It’s too soon!”
Kitty went to Xavier and picked a vertebra. With it she opened Xavier’s
skull, exposing his brain. She them put her fingers inside the
encephalic mass and started to move in all directions, trying to
acchieve some effect. She was a foolish girl, playing with forces she
unknown. When she did the brain mixing, All of the four X men got lifted
from the ground. Xavier powers were alive! But Kitty messed them, and
Jean, Logan, Kitty and Xavier started to twisting and fly all over the
place, spreading blood, internal orgas, bowels, shit, cum, maggots and
Kitty tried to do other movements, squeezing
other parts of Xavier brain, but Xavier groulled with pain. That was the
last straw. The four X men got sucked in one place, in the air. Xavier
mental powers were squezing them, crushing all over their bones. Jean’s
skin fell on the grond completely snatched, Logan’s Adamatium got
expelled from his body boling Logan’s ass, Kitty legs and Arms exploded
and Xavier’s face disfigured.
Kitty caused a mini black hole, so
they where being suck inside. The black hole was so tiny the could not
fit there, but the gravity was infinituous. Three days straight they got
pushed inside the vortex, and one by one their organs got crush with
the gravity. In the last day, only their head were alive, but that was
the last day. First, their ears got sucked, and them thier nose, and the
eyes. Logan snezzed because of the irrtation and Jean felt chills. The
heads got sucked inside slowly, forming an amorphous glob of meat,
blood, bones, and sadness. It started to twirl and thrblle , and Logan’s
last tear got spilled. The mass of meat exploded in millions of pieces,
destroying the Xavier’s house and never after that event someone heard
of the X men again.
?For the record, this is the “first” in ComicsNix’s second Jean Grey trilogy; you may remember the second installment as “Jean Grey’s New Formation: Graduated with Honors” where Jean Grey becomes a meteorologist, gets weather powers, pisses Storm off, and then their vaginas freeze together and fall off and get eaten by Wolverine. Alas, it sppears we’re still waiting for the final installment. Although maybe it’s for the best, because there may not be enough Tohts and Head Asplodes in the world to handle another ComicsNix Jean Grey story.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.